My fiance wants to put up a Facebook post about her dead husband who died 3 years ago and they were separated at the time

That sucks, or congratulations bruh

How did you did you end up getting engaged to this woman? Were there signs she was still carrying all of this baggage from her estranged husband when you were dating? Are you separated/divorced as well?

Exactly!

Never been married. She actually told me 2 months ago that I look good, but when she first met her husband he was more handsome than me although he let himself go later. She actually had him as her Facebook cover photo on Facebook until she met me. "I mean the guy has been dead 3 years and you weren't even together when he died". This is what I tell her.

I would exit this relationship. This feels like a troll thread though.

1) You don't get to control what she posts on her facebook.

2) It's her dead husband. Let's assume they weren't separated, I'd hope you'd have zero problem with it. So why do you care now? Maybe now that he's gone, she remembers his positives more than his negatives.

3) I'll agree I get why you think she's not that into you.

The fact you are posting this on an anonymous forum tells me you guys need to break up. You aren't secure in the relationship. Why in the hell are you worried about a dead guy?

In all seriousness, sounds like she needs therapy as it sounds like she's very emotionally confused still. It's hard to answer your question without knowing more about your relationship. If she genuinely loves you, and you feel it, then it's fine, but if it feels like she's clinging to her dead ex in some way, that's a pretty big red flag, and I would be very hesitant to get seriously involved with someone like that. I actually broke up with a girl earlier this year because of pretty much this exact thing. She would occasionally post stuff on social media about how her dead ex (from 7 years ago) was the love of her life and how much she misses him every single day. I feel sorry for her, but there's no way she can commit to someone else if she's still feeling like that and strongly enough to post about it regularly.

I wouldn't get married any time soon, or not before some of her baggage gets worked out anyway. Just my two cents.

I wanted an anonymous opinion. So you're cool with your fiance posting whatever they want on their Facebook right? So if she were to post theoretically, "I miss the best man I ever had". That would be ok? Not that she would do that! I mean I have no problems that she has about 50 photos around the house of him or old photos on her Facebook. But posting on the anniversary of his death??

It seems like OP needs therapy more than his fiance. It is fine for his fiance to reflect on a death that had an effect on her life if she wants to. Having feelings about something as serious as the death of someone you once loved is actually a healthy thing. Being so insecure that you post on a running message board on it shows OP is probably out of touch with his own feelings and doesn’t seem to care much about his fiances feelings.

Your situation is not the same situation. You are tying to validate your own choices by projecting onto OP. Maybe you need therapy too.

If the OP is serious and not a troll, the questioning of this behavior has nothing to do with insecurity. It's perfectly acceptable for his fiancee to have feelings of grief and loss AND for the OP to dislike how this reflects on the relationship he has with her. He's essentially dating an extreme version of the person who won't stop talking about their non-dead ex. Few people who aren't romantically challenged would recommend seriously dating anyone who isn't over their ex for reasons unrelated to insecurity.

If I were the OP, I'd exit the relationship, but cite other reasons besides this one as the basis of doing so. As a side note, I used to feel bad for guys that has their wives leave them in their late 30s and on, but I really don't anymore when you see that they overlook and excuse disrespectful behavior.

Do not get married and it has little to do with what you said. You are her next wallet, you will eventually be kicked out. It may be 3 years, 6 years, or 15 years but it will likely happen. Then she will be getting two incomes from exes and on to the next.

Dude get out while you can. Once you marry her she will do the same thing to you and take your money and run.

1. You don't get to control what is a make/break in relationship for another person, with virtue signaling. In fact, if you read it carefully, "She asked [him] would it be ok to post something...," means you're lecturing the wrong person.

I knew a couple in a similar situation. The military husband died, the wife moved on and moved in with her new partner, but she didn't marry her new partner because she (and her new partner) would have lost thousands of dollars in military survivor benefit payments.

You need some perspective here. You're coming across as petty and insecure. Let me explain.

She loved him or she wouldn't have married him. Surely they had SOME good memories together. His parents are her in laws and they will remain her in laws until you marry her. It's okay for her to call them her in laws.

In those three years since he died, she has probably received in the neighborhood of $100,000 in survivor benefits and, I think, access to free military healthcare and commissary/base exchange priveleges. She is still receiving those benefits now. That's probably more financial support than you have provided over those three years.

She loves you now and she's with you now. She just wants to put up an In Memoriam facebook page/post to recognize their time together. You should just say, "Sure. It sounds like a nice thing to do." and move on.

You're letting a ghost interfere with your relationship. Let her have this moment and move on.

EDITED TO ADD: Oh, by the way, you know that once you marry her, those military survivor benefits will stop, right?

She can certainly reminisce and stuff but, imo, she also needs to consider the here and now and be respectful of you. I see no harm in a facebook post by itself but the totality of what you describe gives me a bit of concern.

Nice job, Rojo. You are CORRECT!

She gets to decide who she is, what she values, what she posts, etc. You get to decide whether or not to be with her (as long as she loves you). Seems pretty simple to me. The grief and trauma of a spouse she was with for years dying will likely always have some impact on her regardless of the circumstances of their relationship. She could be a lot more obsessed than just a one off anniversary post. If this is causing you extreme stress then maybe take a step back and evaluate if you have other issues with your relationship.

This should be a decision totally up to her and I'm not even sure why she asked you. People have complex or complicated relationships and that doesn't mean just because they're separated they stop caring about them.

If posting something about his death on the anniversary of it or whatever meaningful day helps her with grief let her do what she needs to do. Of course you should have to let her do anything since adults should be able to think on their own but that's a different story.

Yes, I am 100% okay with my former fiance, current wife, posting whatever she wants on her Facebook.

If she post something I disagree with we will be adults and have a discussion about it but I'm not controlling her social media.