Quit HS Coaching

Cut the crap about being a better father, this is all about your ego.

Having said that, if I was in your situation I'd quit.

agreed

You cant be a better father and coach? Or you choose not to? Find a way.

It’s about time management. I get home too late to make dinner. I miss putting my kids to bed because of a meet once a week. For away meets on weekends, I miss nearly the whole day. This puts way more on my wife’s plate and our families’ that have to assist us. I can’t be in two places at once.

I do understand. I just asked a hard question but you already know the answer. You are going to make the right choice and have no regrets. I think a lot of coaches have at least some guilt during or after. I could share a few things my own experience.

Quit, it pays nothing & ain't worth it. It's high school XC.

..no one cares.!

About 10 years ago I had two very young kids and I was also increasing my involvement. I was good at coaching, and it was rewarding for me that my abilities and contributions were being recognized more broadly. I was being invited to coach provincial teams, on committees, becoming a coach developer, involved as a director, etc.

At one of the coach developer training sessions, someone commented to me, "randomcoach - look around you... we're all divorced. don't turn into us... take a break and return when your kids get into it."

After a couple more years, I did that, and while the first year was tough mentally to keep saying no, I haven't coached track & field for quite a while and I have no regrets. My oldest is now of the age where I expect to coach this spring (but only if my kid wants me to).

I can understand the conflicting emotions you are currently experiencing as a co-head coach and a father. It's evident that you put significant effort into building the program, and feeling a little insulted when not named the sole head coach is not uncommon. However, navigating the balance between coaching and being a present parent can be challenging.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge the success you have achieved over the past decade as a coach. By transforming the team into a top-5 state contender, you have undoubtedly made a significant impact on the program. Your dedication and hard work are commendable, and it's understandable that your ego yearns for the recognition as the head coach.

However, it's crucial to assess your current situation from a different perspective. Reflect on your role as a father and how it aligns with your coaching responsibilities. Ask yourself if the sacrifices you are making as a coach are hindering your ability to be the father you want to be. Consider the impact of your absence from family events, lack of quality time spent with your kids, or the strain it may place on your family dynamic.

Once you have evaluated the situation holistically, it may be helpful to communicate your concerns with the head coach who named you as a co-head coach. Express your gratitude for the opportunity, outline your fears regarding balancing coaching and fatherhood, and discuss potential alternatives or solutions that could enable you to be more engaged as a parent. Open and honest communication may reveal possibilities you hadn't considered. Another option is exploring a compromise that allows you to step down as a co-head coach but remain involved in some capacity, such as transitioning to an assistant coach role or focusing on specific aspects of the program. This way, you can continue contributing your expertise and positively impact the team while having more time and energy to dedicate to your family.

Ultimately, the decision is yours to make, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. However, it's essential to prioritize your happiness and the well-being of your family. Remember that being an involved and supportive father is equally deserving of recognition and fulfillment. Take some time to reassess your priorities and consider what will bring you the most satisfaction in the long run.

Best of luck with your decision-making process.

Warm regards,

Stan Hayes

I coached high school in my 20s. Then I stopped in my 30s once I had kids. The plan is go back in my 40s when my own kids are in high school. You can’t work full time, coach a high school sport, and be a full time parent to young children. Those that do are selfish.

Because of these family demands, I enjoyed being an assistant later in my career rather than the head coach. I don't believe I was half-assing both and the head coach welcomed my presence as did the athletes who were happy to see me at practices and meets and understood why I couldn't attend everyone of them. They enjoyed spending time with my kids who'd cheer them on at the meets my kids attended.

I knew it was time to give up coaching altogether when I'd get home some nights and my wife would give me that certain look.

100% know what you mean

Your kids come first.........every time. Do what is best for them. You can always return to coaching if you want to somewhere. The years with your kids you never get back.

Are you upset that you aren't the head coach because you made a big impact and deserve the position? Or are you upset you aren't the head coach because your co-coach is difficult to work with and you don't believe you can give your athletes the experience they deserve if it's shared?

In my experience, coaches are either attracted to the sport because they are seeking the satisfaction of success, or they are seeking an avenue for serving kids. Neither is 'better' than the other, and both can make amazing coaches, but if your priority is the former you can probably find a different outlet that will make you happy, whereas you may struggle or feel disappointed outside of coaching if it's the latter.

Just my two cents!

Quit. In the end no one really cares, you'll be replaced and the team/school will move on without you. Even if the program goes downhill nobody will really care. At home at least your family and kid(s) will enjoy having you around.

Quit and coach your kids. You can coach HS later when they are older.

agree

Your kids are only young for a short period of time, and soon they will off to their own pursuits and you will be busy with all that. HS cross country will always be there. Rare is the coach that will turn down help, you can always come back to it if you want.

The description you gave is somewhat similar to my own. Head coach (XC/T&F) of a large, middle of the pack program starting in my mid-20's. Gave it everything for 15+ years to build program into a perennial state championship contender, and through two kids and a divorce, stayed the course. After remarrying and having another kid, made the wise decision (with the help of Covid regulations) to step down and focus on family.

Was extremely difficult to make the call to step back. But after a few months, it was an absolute no-brainer and I couldn't be happier. I have since gone back to helping once a week, holding the watch but am now fully there for wife and family. Hope to return to coaching once my kids are grown (if I still have the itch). I would truly advise you to step away and do what is right for your kids. Your really can't do both at a high level. And high level parenting is hard work.

Will never coach high school again. As soon as a parent says, "Well I think.......", you are in big trouble. Or "Well this website says this...". As my teams got better, the parents complaints were more numerous. If you are here asking....you should quit.