Seems like about 1/3 of the time I hang out with my gf, it's not a very fun time. Is this high?

That kind of relationship wouldn't make a month for me. I'd give it my best shot but if after about a month if I;m posting stuff like you just did it's time to move on to somebody else, or go it alone for awhile,

I agree with this.

And to answer your question: I've been with my partner for 3 years, lived together for 6 months. Honestly it would be less than 1% that's a bad time. Maybe 20% could be classified as "boring", and the rest of the time we spend together I'm having fun and enjoying myself.

It doesn't matter how much conflict you have during your hike, or your meal - as long as the sex is good afterwards.

Not sure "fun" is the thing as much as "contentment" especially in a new relationship. Sitting around watching movies, and just day to day living has to be content. Not really looking for fun fun yippeee fun. things won't be fun all the time but they must be pleasant and content. Will not be dealing with hassles, hard times, BS, do not play that that is what losers do how they live. I have to have it mellow and cool and it will be.

Will go it alone before a bad relationship. Ah.......will not tolerate a woman who complains and is critical of things I do, that will be a......adios!

The fact that you started this thread reveals that you have already decided to break up with her. Your just conscious mind doesn't realize it yet.

You will though in about a month.

You should marry her, have a kid, and get a dog. You'll be so happy, you'll get tired of all the happiness.

Why quantify it? If you enjoy being with her more than you enjoy being alone more oft than not, things are probably going fine. When you say not fun - what do you mean - what is going on? If you're just bored - go for a run, walk, or hike, or play a video game. You don't have to interact all the time you are together. If something more is going on - arguments or other stressful situations, you need advice, possibly more than letsrun can offer.

Be thankful because it could be a lot worse. It sounds like it wouldn't be that hard to walk away, and maybe you should. On the other hand, a lot of your conflict is likely your own doing and choosing, and you'll probably have a tough go of it with anyone until you fix these things with yourself. IMO, people in general are really bad at relationships these days... extremely self-centered and frankly immature (no matter the age). Or, maybe I'm projecting because we probably have a ratio of 1/4 of the time a bad time vs 3/4 fine or good, but the bad times feel very bad and like the rough patches in a race, they feel much longer in duration. We don't really have the option of splitting up. Financially, it would be horrible for me, and we both are extremely anti-divorce in general. We also have kids and believe it would be better for them to stay together. We're going on 25 years of marriage which I know makes me sound very old (lol). If these other factors didn't exist, I would be outta this in a heartbeat. It's very difficult, so be thankful you've got the situation you've got, because it could be a lot worse.

Condensed version:

1) Probably as much your issues as hers that you won't just get away from by leaving.

2) Good relationships don't come easy to the self-centered, weak, lazy, immature people that most of us are.

3) Life can suck a lot, so good luck!

You described marriage except that is a life sentence.

Without knowing details, it's hard to say... What I've experienced and observed, is that most relationships hit a phase once you've gotten past the initial excitement/lust part and you think you're really comfortable together but don't actually know how to communicate very well and set boundaries for yourself, which brings me to my point: it sounds like you might just be spending too much time together.

The popular narrative in our culture is that we get is that once you're coupled up, the more time you spend together, the more committed you are to each other, which is actually a super insecure and unrealistic perspective. In the happiest long term (25+ year) marriages I personally see, they're giving each other a lot of space. Like, your significant other wants to go on a trip that sounds awful to you? Encourage them to go with a friend instead. If your relationship is on solid ground, you shouldn't have any trust issues with that, and visa versa.

It takes some time and communication to get to that point, and there will always be give and take, but just because you're in a long-term relationship with someone doesn't mean you should be monopolizing all of each other's time and energy.

Also, to be crystal clear, I'm not talking about infidelity or sex with other people. It's hard to be attracted to someone who's been annoying the hell out of you all day, so again, giving each other space and maintaining time together for the times and activities that you (mostly) enjoy together will help keep the fires burning.

(Been with my wife for almost 16 years)

5-7%

It's probably around 1/3, maybe even higher for us. But we have three young children and logistics and hauling of stuff and just the general difficulty of attempting to do anything with little kids means we don't always have fun.

I would say if you're in your couple years of dating, that's too high and you should probably break up. Unless it's always like this for you in relationships, in which case you should ask yourself if you're the problem.

This is really good advice. I'm not sure how applicable it is to the OP's 1-month-old relationship when they should still be very much in the honeymoon phase. In a long-term marriage, though, it sounds like it strikes a perfect balance of being a couple and maintaining a sense of self. Good for you for figuring out what works in your relationship. I'm more than a little jealous.

Being an incel and therefore ignorant of relationships in Toto, it’s difficult for me to understand what In the heck you are talking about. Perhaps I’d need to have you define unenjoyable?

At the end of the day you should ask yourself if you ever have had that kind of relationship period, where it is always enjoyable. If you have, well, obviously it didn’t work out because you are no longer in that relationship, so then unattenuated joy isn’t all it cracked up to be. If you haven’t, then how did these expectations form to begin with.

I know I’m asking you to think, a rather difficult task these days, but don’t let the difficulty drain all the joy out of it for you.

Man, I love my wife and can’t say we ever reached 1/3 unenjoyable times for more than a day or two, especially while dating. Married 40 years.

Arguments probably happen around once every 2 months, and usually get resolved in the same day. We see each other about 4 times week, so it's unenjoyable about ~1/33 times. I would say we have a good relationship, been together ~4 years.

1/3 times being unenjoyable sounds very draining ...

+1

Man, I wish you'd explain this to my wife for me.