Just broke up with my girlfriend for no big reason. Would like some input

Relationships come and go.

You admit you broke up with her.

You had a connection with someone for several months, now you're bummed because it's over.

Ok, understandable..

But life goes on! You admit you didn't see yourself loving her. So focus on other things and move on!

Lots of people (like myself) haven't even had relationships and we keep our heads up.

Be grateful you got to spend time with someone for as long as you did. Not everyone feels companionship, lots of people living lonely lives out there.

Sometimes you follow your inner voice. Years later you might wonder what would have happened if you didn't. On some level you are likely pleased that this had a significant effect on her. If you are connected to the new one, then I don't see why you are dwelling on this. You can question it after you are on the receiving end next time...

Relationships are hard and they can hurt. That's the way it is. You did the right thing by ending the relationship. It would have been worse if you stayed in the relationship and continued to have the emotional "affair" outside of it. No point stringing someone along even if she is a nice person. Also, for the love of god, dont try to be friends with her and contact her now that it is over. She is obviously very attached to you, in part because of her background with the dbag marriage and what not. Dont be that guy. It will hurt her even worse. Let her go.

It's a real bummer as she sounds like a nice person. But if you stayed with her over a longer period of time and then told her this....well that's even worse. Hopefully she is understanding of that. Time is precious and she will find another man that does feel strongly about her as she deserves.

My last breakup, before meeting the woman I married, was in a situation kinda similar to the OP's. At some point I realized, not only do I not see miyself spending the rest of my life with this woman--I can't picture spending Thanksgiving with her. I just never felt that click, that spark. Pointless to string it along after that. I did feel bad that breaking up hurt her, but it would have hurt her worse if--make that when--we broke up farther down the road. Maybe that can be some consolation to you.

And yeah, she proposed a FWB situation--she liked me for physical reasons--but if I'm gonna be with someone I need more than that.

[Sort of random, but maybe not: When it's over, *it's over*. None of this "one last time to say goodbye" stuff. That's when babies get made.]

Point b doesn’t matter at all. It’s ok to view things differently. So forget about that.

Point a and c are inter related and point c in particular is a good reason to break up. It’s harsh, you can dress it up nicely but the bottom line is you don’t love her.

Best wishes.

She will be okay, and you will be too. Even though you weren't in love with her, you still had somewhat of a connection and there is still going to be feelings of loss. She was probably more in love with you and is heartbroken, but that's life and she will bounce back in time.

dustdevil wrote:

It's a real bummer as she sounds like a nice person. But if you stayed with her over a longer period of time and then told her this....well that's even worse. Hopefully she is understanding of that. Time is precious and she will find another man that does feel strongly about her as she deserves.

That's what I felt and why I did it. I didn't even really want to. I just felt like I could never see myself being married to this person or excited about traveling the world together, etc. I even wanted to have strong feelings for her. They just weren't there. I do wholeheartedly want her to be happy and be in a loving relationship with a great guy. I think we could be okay together, but I don't think I would ever be in love with her... She deserves to have that.

Feeling bad... wrote:

That's what I felt and why I did it. I didn't even really want to. I just felt like I could never see myself being married to this person or excited about traveling the world together, etc. I even wanted to have strong feelings for her. They just weren't there. I do wholeheartedly want her to be happy and be in a loving relationship with a great guy. I think we could be okay together, but I don't think I would ever be in love with her... She deserves to have that.

Damn I'm in a similar position right now too. It's clear she likes me a lot more than I do her, but I do enjoy her company sometimes. But I also want to see what else is out there.

Fug this stuff is tough.

It sounds like your ex can still say her ex — now you — is a dbag. You’re old enough to, at the very least, know you shouldn’t start a relationship while you’re in one. If you truly feel bad, apologize to her, and admit what you did was wrong, if you can understand that it is. And stop whining about a “sense of loss” because you created it.

So, Feeling Bad, breaks up with her and sends her home Devastated?!?! Sometimes when you break up with someone you will have pangs of GUILT even though the relationship was tepid. Move on, she'll be okay. Just takes a few weeks to get used to not being around someone. Don't go back (especially out of guilt) because it will just get worse.

Have you ever thought of talking to your friends?

Why did you feel the need to break up with someone you were not in a relationship with? That’s weird.

Or maybe you told her you were and loved her and she found out you were lying to her all along? I’m not buying your story. And who says “slept with”?

You sound quite impulsive. Given your rash decision making, it sounds like you're the type of fellow who'd quit his job on a whim, abruptly back out of business deals, abandon an ailing relative or forsake some other important obligation (aka fatherhood). So, from my vantage point, you've done your GF a huge favor by breaking up with her.

Good day.

Wuss alert wrote:

You sound quite impulsive. Given your rash decision making, it sounds like you're the type of fellow who'd quit his job on a whim, abruptly back out of business deals, abandon an ailing relative or forsake some other important obligation (aka fatherhood). So, from my vantage point, you've done your GF a huge favor by breaking up with her.

Good day.

Can you explain why you think I sound impulsive? I think and reflect and calculate a tremendous amount before any big decision... No one who knows me has ever described me as impulsive...

youngbuck wrote:

It sounds like your ex can still say her ex — now you — is a dbag. You’re old enough to, at the very least, know you shouldn’t start a relationship while you’re in one. If you truly feel bad, apologize to her, and admit what you did was wrong, if you can understand that it is. And stop whining about a “sense of loss” because you created it.

I said it was random and inadvertent and an emotional relationship... Do you know what those words mean? I talked about all of this with her and was very honest. I told her that I LIKED her, LIKED spending time with her and doing things, but that the feelings weren't deeper than that for whatever reason and that I had randomly fallen in love with someone else, that we hadn't acted on it, but that I felt like I couldn't continue splitting myself emotionally and that it wasn't fair to her anyway.

We're on good terms as of now and both agree we still care about each other and don't want to totally lose each other. I know the general advice is to always go no contact or whatever, but that seems like a really miserable way to go through life. I'm on good terms with many women I've been intimate with before and have still had very mutually beneficial (platonic) relationships with them, even if they're distant relative to what they were when we were together.

I appreciate some of the responses... Just feeling kind of rough and sorry about the tough realities of life. I have friends, but some things aren't so great to talk with them about, like this.

advanced lrc tactics wrote:

She will be okay, and you will be too. Even though you weren't in love with her, you still had somewhat of a connection and there is still going to be feelings of loss. She was probably more in love with you and is heartbroken, but that's life and she will bounce back in time.

This, dude.

Now go run 5 miles hard and get it out of your system.

I break up with my girlfriends here and there. Most of them call me their boyfriend, even though I don't reciprocate and call them my girlfriend. I enjoy being single and if I'm cuffed, I'm not one of the many who cheat on their partner. Why get in a relationship if you're going to cheat? I know why, to use the benefits of being single and the benefits of a relationship simultaneously. Cheaters are scum.

Give her a bit of time, then give a sincere apology. Maybe even write her a nice letter explaining yourself and apologizing.

Also, there is a good reason you should wait to sleep with someone. It's reasons like this. Except of course it could have been the other way around. Next time just go home and rub one out.