When does parenting get easier?

Around 5th-6th grade they want to be independent so you just let them be and it works for all parties.

My 3 year old has started randomly punching me in the nuts. The madder I get, the funnier she thinks it is. Ignoring her or staying calm only increases the frequency until I break.

I can home the other day to find my 5 year old stuck on the top of the refrigerator.

So all that to say, I don’t know.

Well if you try to live vicariously through your kid and you have bad genes, it doesn't.

10 months. A lot is new. Hang in there. Respond back to jibberish. It build empathy and communication. Get down and close and look eye to eye. Don't blow off, ignore, or make fun dismiss.

Play on the ground and make a mess as much as possible those early 4 or so years. Do not sit on couch and stare at tv.

Head above water doesn't change. It evolves. You can get rid of it by not caring so much or getting help.

If you have the wherewithal, try to take the long term view and hold. I never gave in into the worst blow ups. And it took awhile, but they stopped.

When right, hold the line.

Be just, bite tongue when aggro.

Don't just fly off the handle cuz ur the big parent.

When u make a promise, never break it ever. You don't know how valuable a get out of jail card this is later on. I can diffuse anything with a word. I know what my kids want more and I can nod and they will back off.

If u need help with sleeping..

Daytime naps. Keep room warm. Kid will wake up earlier.

Night time. Turn room colder than normal. I kept it really cold. It's my b s but I believe it keeps them in rem more and I can sleep longer. Theoretically, they grow more. If u feel kid still not sleeping great, try weighted blankets they have now.

Gl

pumpiron wrote:

To parents: what age were your kids when you felt like parenting was less hands-on all the time?

I have a 10-month old and it feels like we are barely keeping our heads above water.

Does it get easier?

In reality all kids are different. 0 to 4 months, my first son was hard just because he kept us from sleeping. Then my wife went back to work and from 4 months to about 17 months he was super easy. All he wanted was to be close to me all day. Even after he started walking, if I put him into a front carrier, he was content for hours. I could get any projects done, as long as they were safe to do with an infant strapped to my chest (so using the table saw was out, but gardening and grocery shopping were in).

Then at 18 months, he decided he needed to be free. But he wasn't willing to be free and by himself. Every single moment I had to be entertaining him as he played with blocks, read books, picked dandelions, etc. If I payed any attention to anything besides him, he would scream and punch me incessantly. Suddenly making dinner stopped, gardening became impossible, cleaning became impossible.

That lasted about a year. Unfortunately, right after he started to be willing to play alone, his little brother started crawling and created a jealous toddler out of his older brother.

Theyre now 18 months and 3.5 years old. This is by far the most difficult and miserable stage I've been through. My 18 month old is actually more independent than his brother was at this age, which would be nice except I have two of them to deal with now. I get basically zero time where I dont hear yelling or screaming of some sort from 6am to 8pm. I try to work from home a bit as well, but one or the other wants attention, or if they don't want attention, it is because they're destroying something in my house.

Just taking a crap is hard, I have to rush through it so i get back to the living room before one of them shoves the other off the back of the couch headfirst, or rips the tail off of the cat. Good thing years of running made me an exceptionally efficient pooper. Thats a legit lifeskill now.

My 3.5 year old is currently singing the same line from the B52s over and over at full volume from his room. He is supposed to be asleep. I dont even know who let him listen to "our house," but I want to murder them.

Its rough.

I hope you have help:

- grandparents who can watch

- other parents in the area who you can take turns watching the each other's kids while the other one gets a break

- play groups (in 6 months or so)

- day care, even if it is just a few hours a few days a week, so you can get in a run, go to the store, take a nap, rub one out, clean the kitchen, and all the other things you never have time/privacy to do.

Dont get me wrong, there are fun moments. But the fun moments seem a lot more frequent in retrospect than they do in real time.

You can take your kid to the park now. He/she is probably already a good crawler. Set her down in the grass. Let he crawl around, stick random flowers and grass into her mouth. As long as it isn't dog crap or something she will choke on, let her have at it. That will kill some time and presumably build up an immune system a bit. Figure out other little things that hold her attention so you can have a mental break. Even a few minutes helps your regain sanity.

If your kid likes stroller time, start walking. I had days where I walked 10 miles over the course of the day and averaged about 6 or 7, just a bunch of moderate length walks. I had to resort to that when my kid was about 18 months, because it was the only thing he would sit still for at that age, so it was the only way I could get a short mental break. I lost a few pounds.

1ub2run wrote:

It evolves. You can get rid of it by not caring so much or getting help.

100% great advice here. Let go of things that don't actually matter so you have time left for the things that do:

Crumbs on the floor? Not a big deal, ignore it if the choice is sweep the floor or take a shower. Your shower is more important.

Dont have time to mow the long unless you wake up early Saturday morning? Sleep in if you can, the neighbors who care about long grass can go F themselves. Mow the lawn eventually, but don't stress of if takes you a week to get there.

1ub2run wrote:

I never gave in into the worst blow ups. And it took awhile, but they stopped.

It does take a long time. My oldest is finally getting much better at 3.5. I put in earplugs when they lose it and refuse to calm down. This helps me calm down. Then I can respond rather than react: "I hear that you're upset we aren't watching mickey mouse, but we are reading a book right now." Or "Its ok to be upset when he takes your toy, but it isn't ok to punch your brother, what could we have done instead?"

Seriously though, earplugs. You'll feel guilty at first, like you're ignoring your child. But where is it written that you have to listen to your child screaming at full volume? Screaming minus 30 dB is so much more pleasant.

sbeefyk2 wrote:

Around 5th-6th grade they want to be independent so you just let them be and it works for all parties.

+1 except for some meal prep.

My kids are twins. It was never as easy as it is for you now. That being said, after the first year, it got a little easier. Every age presents different challenges. Make sure to keep a level head and try to enjoy each year, because you only get to do it once, so take the time to do it right. The best thing I ever did with my kids was read with them every night. It has paid off immeasurably.

Parenting gets easier physically and tougher mentally.

I have teenagers. I am always worried about what/how/ who they are doing.

End of age 3 heading into year 4 (up until age 5) is a really really fun stage.

Those 15 ish months are a really special time.

I think it depends on the kid. For us it was hard at first because of the lack of sleep but other than that babies are pretty easy. More difficult as they learn to walk and talk. Peak difficulty for us was around 3 or 4. Once they get in school life is a lot easier. Once they get to about 3rd grade it's even better. Then your life will pretty much revolve around them but it's fun stuff that you can enjoy together so it feels less like work.

pumpiron wrote:

To parents: what age were your kids when you felt like parenting was less hands-on all the time?

I have a 10-month old and it feels like we are barely keeping our heads above water.

Does it get easier?

It's pretty much hands on all the time until they are around 2 1/2, depending on the kid. In my experience around 18 months - 2 years was the worst. They are mobile, demanding, have no sense of what is actually dangerous, and you can't really talk to them. Ages 3 to around 11 are mostly good and that's when they are the most fun. Things got really stressful around 13 -15 and then got easier. Now mine are both in college and they are great.

Don't worry - it goes by fast - too fast really.

DON'T get too focused on how it will be. It will be different, sometimes easier, sometimes worse. That is just the reality of parenting. I have grown up kids that were easy and I have twins (5.5 years old) that are much more demanding. Obviously having twins is more than twice, but not more than having two kids with a small age difference. I looked forward to better times with the oldest, but in the future the present is history. It does not come back. I have gotten a second chance, it is now much harder, but I don't want the time to go fast, I enjoy the present, with the good and (forgetting about) the bad. It does not come back. Memories are good, but is not the real deal.

When it is hard, just focus on the things you have to do and skip the things that does not need to be done. Don't feel guilty if it gets messy or dirty or you have to sleep when you can. Try to get support and help, you deserve it. All kids are different and I have learned that kids are kids and not really the result of their parents. My two first were easier and behaved good so I thought I was a good parent, but I am the same parent and now they are more demanding and behave more badly. Don't judge yourself (or other parents for that sake)

Stay in there, it gets better gradually or suddenly, maybe some worse, but eventually it eases down with time.

whose gonna tell him wrote:

Parenting gets easier physically and tougher mentally.

I have teenagers. I am always worried about what/how/ who they are doing.

Agree with this. It doesn't get easier, but you will get more sleep at some point which will make it physically easier. My kids are 10,10,5 so haven't even had to deal with teenager issues yet.

pumpiron wrote:

To parents: what age were your kids when you felt like parenting was less hands-on all the time?

I have a 10-month old and it feels like we are barely keeping our heads above water.

Does it get easier?

Once you can drop of your kid at your coal mine, things get easier also financially.

whose gonna tell him wrote:

Parenting gets easier physically and tougher mentally.

I have teenagers. I am always worried about what/how/ who they are doing.

This. My kids are self sufficient these days except they aren’t driving age yet.

Now it’s mainly concerns about who they are talking to on Snapchat and what are they seeing on the internet.

Now it’s helping with homework every night and sports 4-5 days per week. It never gets easier, just changes. Well, I guess it gets easier when they are truly adults and self reliant.

just one kid? That sounds like a vacation.

trolling aside - I've found 18 months to be a nice turning point. At that point, they are less needy, sleep longer, can feed themselves, and communicate a little bit. They become more of a human at that point and less of a houseplant. You can start to have fun with them at that point.

Then about 6 months later they can develop an attitude and you deal with that for the rest of your life.

Never easier. Your life will never get back to normal. You’ve been dealt a life sentence and it is up to you to make the best of it.