From Wiki:
"Schizoid personality disorder (/ˈskɪtsɔɪd, ˈskɪdzɔɪd/, often abbreviated as SPD or SzPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency toward a solitary or sheltered lifestyle, secretiveness, emotional coldness, detachment and apathy. Affected individuals may be unable to form intimate attachments to others and simultaneously possess a rich and elaborate but exclusively internal fantasy world.[6][12] Other associated features include stilted speech, a lack of deriving enjoyment from most activities, feeling as though one is an "observer" rather than a participant in life, an inability to tolerate emotional expectations of others, apparent indifference when praised or criticized, a degree of asexuality, and idiosyncratic moral or political beliefs.[13] Symptoms typically start in late childhood or adolescence.[6]"
There's a lot more to it than that, but that's a good start. In the last year I've realized that I probably meet the criteria for diagnosis or am right on the edge. I am the most asocial person I've ever met, and even though I want friends, it is extremely difficult for me to make them or maintain relationships, even with my family members to be honest. I date, but women always end up feeling ignored/neglected by me, and I feel exhausted by them. My need for socialization is so much less than others, and I'm perfectly content to sit and drink coffee and just think for hours... That's how I like to spend my weekend mornings, actually.
The backstory even fits with having an almost psychotically overbearing mother and parents who neither understood boundaries nor saw me as an actual human/person rather than just a thing. It all fits.
Despite being very healthy psychologically and emotionally (after many years of tremendous work on myself), I still can't seem to have a very normal social life. I'm 33 and always have options with women, some have even wanted to start a family with me, but I can't seem to live a paired life, like, even if I really like someone, I prefer to not live together and can't really see myself being surrounded by people at home every day. At the same time, children is something I think I want... Hard to explain... Just kind of like I don't have the capacity to WANT people around me as much as is needed in order to have the relationships in my life that I would like to have theoretically.
Anyone else deal with this? Seems like a letsrun might be the place for Schizoids to congregate.