Age 34 w/ 3 year old. I don't want another - so she wants to separate.

is your marriage healthy otherwise? seems a little extreme to go straight to separating here unless this debate over more kids has played out over the past few years and neither of you has budged.

why are you so opposed to another kid? not saying there aren't valid reasons to be, just curious.

themack wrote:

Wish I knew these things a few years ago....

isn't this like third or fourth date conversation?

Stand your ground and start looking for another place to live, she’ll fold.

Are you sure the kid is yours? Maybe she just a new one with your dna.

themack wrote:

Wish I knew these things a few years ago....

You didn't talk about this before getting married? Or better yet, before getting engaged?

It's easy to go the vilifying route but if you can let go of that. Some people want different things in life. And it's ok to let go of a relationship to find what works best for you. If she wants more kids and you don't and that really is a deal breaker, better to be with a partner that fits you both better. You only live once.

Discussions weren't set on a number, except she wanted "a lot" - she is part of 8 (but really 4, there are steps and halves that are quite younger and she never lived with). I was adamant against that - not affordable, didn't want the change in lifestyle. Took us many steps to get pregnant and have this one - we counted our blessings. Thought we were fine with 1 but that changes when we're around family/friends with multiples.

No, I don't think either of us would say we're particularly strong as a team at the moment...

Have another kid. You won’t regret it. And, keeping your family together is more important than what your feelings may be on the matter right now.

themack wrote:

Discussions weren't set on a number, except she wanted "a lot" - she is part of 8 (but really 4, there are steps and halves that are quite younger and she never lived with). I was adamant against that - not affordable, didn't want the change in lifestyle. Took us many steps to get pregnant and have this one - we counted our blessings. Thought we were fine with 1 but that changes when we're around family/friends with multiples.

No, I don't think either of us would say we're particularly strong as a team at the moment...

Your kid is 3 and you are just coming round to trying again. It was difficult the first time. All this is in your favor as it only gets harder with her age. You could play along, enjoy plenty of sex and have even or better odds of not even having one more.

Your 3 year old is probably more mature if you couldn’t hold this conversation BEFORE committing. Seems like you and your surrogate are both immature and not ready for an adult relationship.

dumbassMF wrote:

Your kid is 3 and you are just coming round to trying again. It was difficult the first time. All this is in your favor as it only gets harder with her age. You could play along, enjoy plenty of sex and have even or better odds of not even having one more.

This is probably the right answer

Ended some close relationships for this very reason, never wanted kids, never had them & it is the best decision I have ever made. My wife (of 18 years) if anything is more adamant- retired early & enjoy our life to the full. Not for everyone but we are fortunate to have made the right choice. Run for the hills from this relationship (but always support the one you have). Good luck

We have three kids, two girls and a boy and I'd like one more (a boy ideally to round things up).

In some ways we found the second much easier than the first, you know what you are doing second time round, things that were dramas barely raise an eyebrow anymore and as long as the age gap isnt huge the kids will play with eachother rather than hanging off their parents pants all the time.

Not for everyone I guess but its may not be the big upheaval you might think it would be.

themack wrote:

Eh?

I don't want another, but she does - and multiple - and I guess she'll get more later if she splits with me?

Either way it's something she wants me "thinking about" - not necessarily having another, but "having another or we're done".

Wish I knew these things a few years ago....

How many have you got now?

Newsflash! Most women want more than 1 kid. Why didn't you discuss this during dating and make sure you shared the same ambitions? There are women who don't want kids at all. Seems like basic incompatibility. I suspect your wife is wondering what she gets out of being with you and thinking she has a better chance of happiness either with someone else or being alone.

Well the first problem in this situation is that your wife needs to gradually increase her weekly mileage

At this point its not about you or her, its about the child that you two have already made. That child is the #1 responsibility of both you and her. The best interest of that child is to live with both parents. Through life, the child would also do well to have a sibling, if not for anything else to help care for you and your woman's old crinkly asses.

CrispyChicken wrote:

At this point its not about you or her, its about the child that you two have already made. That child is the #1 responsibility of both you and her. The best interest of that child is to live with both parents. Through life, the child would also do well to have a sibling, if not for anything else to help care for you and your woman's old crinkly asses.

This is juvenile advice.

Clearly, these two have more issues together than a disagreement about another child. Growing up in a household with toxic parents who resent each other is far worse for a child than a safe and healthy home with 1 parent.

OP, 2nd kid aside — is your marriage worth saving? Would the therapy route help?

One of the primary reasons for marriage is to have children. Don’t be a selfish loser.

Having a second kid saved my marriage. Having gone through the process already made it much more enjoyable. It would have been much more difficult if my kids didn’t have each other through the pandemic. Your kid deserves to have a sibling. Your wife’s wishes deserve to be respected. She’s asking to have kid number 2 not 20. Come on man don’t be selfish. Ask someone else said when your holding that baby you won’t regret it.