In love with a (unhappily) married woman who is also in love with me... Would like some input.

As someone who recently went through something similar you have know idea how much damage you may cause. I know I will be bashed for the way I handled my situation. I was with my wife for over 7 years and knew that she had low grade depression that became worse with Covid and she would not get help out of her own shame. Then one day she tells me she no longer loves me, I asked what do you want to do then? Are you ready to move on or do you want to work on this and she tells me she is not sure. Then I figure out she is cheating she denies it and then eventually admits it. The guy is a co worker who lives in a different state with kids who is getting a divorcee because his wife cheated on him. She goes on a series of trips she says to work on figuring things out. Where I tell her not to come back until you know what you want. For different reasons she comes back 3 times after 2 to 3 week road trips. Then after about 4 months of the cheating the depression is in full effect she wont leave the house she wont eat if I don't feed her. All during this she is cheating via text and phone calls. My life is a mess I cant sleep, her parents start calling to see what is going on and why don't we come to the holidays. After about 5 months things end is what I was told, I am sure that part of it was that the mom found out from the kids about dads new interest. She goes to live with her parents to try and figure things out. They kick her out after 5 weeks and no action. She returns and lives with me for 3 more months where the depression gets worse. I try and have an intervention to get her to get help. I call the crises hotline for her. I start to wonder what is the point of everything for my self. She finally moves out after several break downs when trying to pack her stuff. I am in a different situation because I was told I did nothing wrong and am a great person and life would be easy with me. She has been gone for about 6 months and I still think about her at some point every day. Sometimes about what could I have done, how did I not see it, why was I so dense. And other days I break down and still have issues sleeping. Things are getting better every week. This is the short version. But if the guy lived in the same state I am sure I would have done something.

You need to act as if she is dead and if she ends things with her husband then you can start something.

I actually never told Rojo that his opinion was wrong, or suggested he shouldn’t have voiced it. I expressed my own view and asked him to consider spending more time contemplating his. I don’t think he’s necessarily wrong; but I do think his view is not well-informed and is basic. It lacks depth of perspective. For example, to say therapists only want patients to make money is extremely cynical and shows a lack of understanding of the difficulty of the job and the passion with which most therapists operate.

It kills me when someone, like you, doesn’t read a response critically and jumps to conclusions about a narrative that isn’t either accurate or applicable. And I think it was pretty clear I agree, that OP wouldn’t benefit from therapy because he’s seeking validation, not self reflection.

OP: you came here looking for validation for your choices, but it's clear here what the vast majority is saying.....and they are not validating your choices here. It's tough medicine, but go back and read all of the responses again.

End this relationship. It's not right. Continuing like this is not fair to anyone in the situation, including yourself.

I am currently recovering from my almost ex-husband’s adultery. It was a sucker punch that knocked me on my ass. I found out almost a year and a half ago, and I’m still picking up the shattered pieces of my life every day. It would have been difficult enough if I only had my own debilitating pain to worry about, but we have two kids that I have to try to provide a loving home for while healing myself.

My two 12-year-olds found out almost a year ago, and one stopped speaking to his dad since. This betrayal has devastated my son, and I fear how his life is going to turn out if he continues to refuse therapy. His whole world has crumbled. He feels like his dad is a lying POS, his sister is a traitor who forgives their dad, and I was the only person he could trust but I betrayed him by keeping the truth from him. My ex is still with his affair partner, and intends to make a stepmother out of her. Her husband divorced her, but her two sons haven’t learned the truth, yet.

I told him my ex he didn’t bring a gun to a knife fight; he brought a bomb to a fistfight. You obviously can’t fathom the extent of the damage you are contributing to. If you truly care the slightest bit about how this will affect her children, you’ll have the guts to walk away. She doesn’t have the basic decency to end her marriage herself. Her kids probably would have healed more quickly if she had done so. If you continue this, her kids will eventually find out. YOU will be responsible for the LIFELONG TRAUMA they will suffer from.

Clarification: Jacqueline is the cowardly affair partner in my situation. Just wanted to attach her name so she can be reminded about what a piece of trash she is.

Winded wrote:

Clarification: Jacqueline is the cowardly affair partner in my situation. Just wanted to attach her name so she can be reminded about what a piece of trash she is.

pics?

I would love to hear some more detail from you in private because i am in a similar situation