I'm 38 with 2 kids (2 and 4). Is life just hard right now or is it me?

You feel overwhelmed, that is obvious. Why? Can't balance your act ? This is LIFE bro. Kids will grow get sick, develop their own personalities, some become real jerks (read most posts in the these forums), you will get sick so as your wife. If your financial situation is stable, trust me, you got nothing to fear. Nothing worse that having financial difficulties while raising kids, it brings a humongous amount of stress in your life.

What is your challenge? Cant find time to run competitively? Run at all? It's not the end of the world, unless you are what I call an Al Bundy runner (living in old glory times long gone and haven't grown up that part of you yet) You are not the same runner? No you won't be, unless you are a pro with a massive contract. You'll have to settle for smaller gains here and there. Small running here and there. You ain't getting younger, remember you'll get slower and...more prone to injuries. That's part of the bargain of being a father, you'll have to sacrifice for those 3 kids, you become secondary. Drugs and alcohol will only help you destroy your life and family.

You seem to be having it good, obviously you haven't seen how bad other's have it, probably you shouldn't care, as if you live in a bubble. Burst the bubble, smell the coffee brewing (which is life) and balance your act.

Oh. being a wealthy white dude doesn't mean jack. Obviously you haven't been able to buy your own misery with all that wealth, correct? Otherwise you wouldn't be posting here, unless you crave attention? Just food for your thought. Mentioning it actually makes you sound pretty darn weak.

Good luck (you already have it, you just don't know how to use it)

"I hate to complain as a wealthy white dude with no real actual problems, but life seems overwhelming most days."

Perhaps part of the reason you find life to be "overwhelming" is because you've been indoctrinated to think that your complaints are somehow invalid by virtue of you being a white man. And, because you can't look at your problems as "real actual problems," you can't come up with real actual solutions.

Setting all that aside, 2 and 4 are wonderful ages. Assuming the children are healthy, the solution to feeling overwhelmed is better time management. Just wait until they are teenagers -- when the real problems begin. For your sake and theirs, hopefully when they are teenagers, you will have the self-respect and wisdom to avoid saying things like "as a wealthy white dude with no real actual problems..."

Blarf-You truly don't know how blessed you are to be in a good marriage and have two kids! I am mid 50s, married, no kids. I was incredibly selfish with my time when I was younger and didn't want kids. Now both me and my wife regret it terribly. Anyway, do you need both incomes? If not, maybe your wife could stay home with your kids for at least a few years. I'm not sure if you are religious, but having a spiritual component in your life will also help through the rough times!

A lot of good advice but running has nothing to do with my happiness really, it's just a fun hobby. I do acknowledge that money and health are most important and that I have both. It still doesn't stop my feelings of intense anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.

I have a tendency to take on too much and overwhelm myself to the point of utter exhaustion, so I have to be really careful of that. I'll take on too much as a parent and let my anxiety overrun me to the point of actually losing control, which comes in the form of panic attacks.

I also fully realize how good I have it. I have money and health (for the most part). The challenge for me is that the anxiety still hits me in gigantic waves and feel like I'm hanging on just trying to keep it all together.

I think you hit on a good point of getting outside my bubble. The challenge right now is finding time and energy to do that. I want to volunteer and start actually helping some people outside of my family of 4. It would very likely alleviate a lot of my stressors.

Thanks for all the helpful posts. Someone said it earlier but I also am most definitely not looking for sympathy and do realize how good I have it.

Probably just looking for some relief from the crushing anxiety.

Thanks for sharing this. This is so reassuring ... I'm 40 now, in 20 years my daughters will be 25 and 20. I can only hope and pray we do a decent enough job at parenting to have great young adults in this world and maintain a good relationship with them.

It can be hard, but if your kids are healthy and intelligent you have it easy in comparison to many others. At least that's the perspective we've taken as the parents of three. Elementary age was fun, middle school was keeping them on the right track with good friend groups and academics, high school we concentrated on developing independent skills. College is mostly just $$$ for us. Best thing we ever did as parents was getting them into reading from an early age and making the library a big part of their lives.

I used distance running during lunch hours (flexible work environment) as "me" time. I coached youth basketball and was a scouting parent to spend time with my kids. Now I'm 58, my youngest is wrapping up junior year of HS. I've started golfing again with friends. My wife has always worked part-time (24 hours) in health care, so she had a great schedule to support the kids, volunteer at the schools, and still brought in good income.

We will retire at 60 and should have plenty of time to be selfish and enjoy ourselves, hopefully in great health.

Yes, if your spouse isn't fine with the morning shift or a morning person in general than all bets are off for this advice of running early. My son gets up at 5am every day, no matter what time he goes to bed the night prior so I am sympathetic here, but we are an early household in general so this is fine. My wife adjusted her schedule from working late to now getting up with me at 4:30 working until he wakes. They read together and our deal is that I am home by 6:30 to handle the morning routine so she can shower and go into the office. Before COVID, she was going into the office daily & the kids required much more hands on so I was home every day at 615 to cook breakfast, get kids dressed and get them to daycare. Now that the kids are older the morning routine is much easier including no drop off but just getting them on the bus. On the weekends, I ask for my time to run and then I am ok having the kids basically all other times. There are no guilt trips because I overwhelmingly do the majority of household chores but couples need to find what works for them. And a treadmill does wonders as well...

I love your advice about teaching them something each day. Great strategy for dad's reading this!

I had my first a couple months ago. We knew it was going to be hard but we didn't know it was going to be as hard as it has been. Don't get me wrong, it is amazing and I regret nothing, but it's definitely the most challenging thing I've ever done. My wife's recovery was rough. Both of us are very sleep deprived. Trying to slog through day after day at my job while both of them are at home is stressful. (I'm being a bad employee right now!) A whole new slate of challenges will arise when she goes back to work in a couple months.

We always planned on having two, but we both have serious doubts at the moment. I still have brief windows of time where I can get in a quick workout or play some music and that has kept me stable. If we were to add another crying baby to the mix and that went away, I fear I would be miserable and unable to be the quality of father I'd like to be. I am in awe of people who have three or more. I asked my mom how she did it and she said that she basically blocked it all out and hardly remembers.

Perhaps if we lived in a civilized country that mandated a year or more of paid family leave, made child care more affordable/accessible, and didn't require both parents to hold a job in order to adequately provide for their family, things would be a little different.

42 years old with four kids 10 and under. Can definitely relate with the poster's sentiment. Big turning point for me was to stop comparing my life with how I had expected it would be, which only led to frustration. I started focusing on enjoying my life for what it is and trying to be present in the moment. It's a constant battle, but the latter is a lot more fulfilling.

I'm 42, between my wife and I there is some medical history that have created fertility issues which have been a barrier to having kids... as time as passed, we're coming to realize that maybe we don't want them – we have a great marriage, enjoy spending time with friends and family's kids... and also enjoy that we get to come back to our own house and live our lives on our own terms.

It's remarkable how often I hear a parent complain for five minutes about how hard their life is and how miserable they are, but then throw in the same disclaimer at the end: "but having kids is the best choice I've ever made!"

Granted, I have friends who are genuinely stoked to spend time with their kids (especially when they get older) and show them the world, but I also know people who totally resented their families and ended up splitting. I suppose I wish that as a culture, we were more open to the idea that having kids isn't for everyone, and that's okay.

I also disagree pretty strongly with the idea that people should have kids just to have someone to take care of them or a friend when they're old. Your kids are going to want to live their own lives, not return some debt of servitude.

Dude....get a hold of yourself. What you are going through is called life.

No wonder 60 white males commit suicide daily in America....

Raise your kids or hire a nanny

You live in the best period in history. You have a strong marriage, a good job, internet, food on your table (from your own hard work), freedom, et cetera. You made a selfless and upright decision to have children whom, though they're not mature enough to show it now, will respect and admire you in due time, so much so that they will build their own families and mourn for you when you die. You're blessed, blarf. Keep disciplining yourself and practice humility. Remind yourself that you're incredibly fortunate. You could live in South Sudan or be a quadriplegic. Physically make yourself smile when you feel down, it helps.

you're not wrong. I did do this to myself. lol

yep, those ages are the "dark ages." I'm 37 and we have a 15, 14, and 7 year old. It's always hard but somehow those ages (1-5) were brutal. I look at photos of myself and I always looked so exhausted! Just surviving really. Life is still HARD and some days feels harder than those younger ages. It's different hard though. New demands: more food/shopping, cooking, late nights, early mornings, never-ending activities. I guess I'm trying to say this parenting life never gets easier but we somehow survive. I love the ages of 7-10. Those are the gold ages!

Yes, it gets easier, either parents get better or kids get more independence. But age 2-4 is an important time because of how fast kids learn and how their brains need to be stimulated to grow properly.

2 and 4 are physically demanding ages. It gets better. Milestones like them being able to get in to their own car seat (vs you lifting them), get in/out of the shower, not needing to be carried when tired, dress themselves, all make things a little bit better.

Encourage them to do as much as possible on their own that they can safely do. Once your youngest hits about 5, things will feel better.

And outsource household stuff that you can outsource.

I'm 50 with 2 kids age 11 and 7. Yes it is hard sometimes, but my wife and I have good balance. We trade off taking care of the kids so each of us can get our runs and workouts in. Within the span of my kids lives, I have been able to qualify and run the Boston Marathon, a 50 miler, and a few 50Ks. Now my older son has shown an interest in running, and we have done a few 5ks together. When they were younger I would jog along while they rode their bikes or I would push them in the stroller. Additionally, I have taken the kids to the track with me on occasion and they just play while I get my miles in.

I am 31 successful but single and depressed knowing that even if I get to the other side, the grass apparently isn’t greener. All roads lead to the big sad.