Considering Divorce

You can move to Nazi Israel if you don't like divorce.

Get out now.

I spent five years in your life, everyday sucked.

Now I'm 11 years into my second marriage. We've never had a fight, it's never been "work", it's never been a struggle. I haven't changed at all, except for one important thing: I chose a better (non-psychotic) wife the second time.

The right person is easy to be married to, the wrong one can never be fixed. You chose the wrong one, most of us do at some point. Some of us (me included) went and married them, despite any red flags that crept up.

You have no kids, get out now.

You have no idea the hell that is child support. And I'm not referring to the financial hit, kids are always expensive. It's everything else about the system that will crush you.

lagunarun wrote:

Some of the girls I run with could easily run you into the ground. Beyond that, they are far more beautiful than any girl a condesending fool like you could ever hope to hang out with. I highly doubt you can run 5:45 after 10 miles.

Really? How many of them have run a 4:09 mile? Nothing to brag about for a guy, I know. Especially on a place like this where there are many, much better runners. But you run with girls a whole lot faster than this? Somehow I doubt it.

And beautiful? Well, the truth is that my GF is a former model and now a national champion caliber ballroom dance competitor. I'm not too concerned that I am missing out on the girls you hang out with.

Truth is, you are probably an ugly girl yourself. Or a guy who wouldn't have any idea what to do if he bumped into a beautiful girl on the street.

I don't want to read through the rest of the posts, so maybe someone else pointed this out.

So you want her to get shape and lose weight, but you ignore the fact that she wants you to run less and gain weight?

You married a bi-polar, fat, psychotic train wreck. Why do so many runner men fall for such hopeless messes? All the meds in the world won't change the wiring problems in a bi-polar brain.

Here we go again wrote:

Really? How many of them have run a 4:09 mile?

Well, the truth is that my GF is a former model and now a national champion caliber ballroom dance competitor.

Douchebag awesomeness!

i once read a quote (i can't remember what it says word for word) that said something like, "do the things you love and you'll find the one you love." maybe through things you enjoy doing (like running or whatever else), you may find someone better for you... or maybe, you realize that your wife really is the one for you and that there is a way to work it out

It sounds like you need to first sit down with her and talk about this because a lot of couples don't ever communicate these kind of problems effectively. Hopefully you have already had a conversation with someone you trust and sought out some advice. That's what your friends are for bro! Dude, instead of leaving her when now when she needs you the most why don't you serve her, care for her, and pour yourself out for her the way a man should for his bride? When you married her you vowed to be with her til death do you part. And if her gaining weight is a reason then why did you marry her in the first place knowing 99.9% of women gain weight. You should be in love with her for her personality, not just her physical appearance because that fades away over time. I hope you can rekindle your love with her and not abandon her, but be there to support her now more than ever!

kickin it in el aziza wrote:

I don't want to read through the rest of the posts, so maybe someone else pointed this out.

So you want her to get shape and lose weight, but you ignore the fact that she wants you to run less and gain weight?

I hope he ignores this fact. Are you suggesting he adopt a slothful lifestyle to appease her?

Being lean and fit requires effort and discipline. It tells us something about that person. And no, you don't need to have a running obsession to be fit and lean. Many very competitive runners train 80 to 100 mpw and are great spouses and parents while holding FT jobs. Others exercise a more simply daily discipline. Not racing fit, but just damn fit. Great way to treat the gift of health with respect.

Being fat and out of shape reflects poorly on the character of the person. So yeah, she's fat, she's fat and that's just that, and, as he is trying to do, he should encourage her fat A@@ to get a moving and if she doesn't, he should be gone.

Life is too short. When in doubt, move on....

ha! ha! ha!

who are you foolin?

you will always be tied to that monster...

ha, ha, loser!

Ha! another loser.. I love it!

Norman.

Please kill yourself.

You're such a loser.

Ha!

Please get out, NOW!!!!!

Your first problem, you came to letsrun.com for marriage counseling... does 'til death do us part' mean nothing anymore? fight for it!

dude get rid of the crazy unhappy wife. get someone else who is sane! it sucks to get divorce but it would be worse if you had kids with this wacko

Get religion. (serious)

I feel the need to update this thread.

My wife and I separated in March of 2012 and our divorce was finalized in November 2012.

I stuck it out as long as I could.

Over Christmas 2011, my wife and I stayed at my parent’s house and one evening she picked a fight with my mother over something very trivial. My wife was very much in the wrong in the argument and was completely disrespectful. My father stepped in to protect my mother and it was resulted in a massive blowup in which we ended up leaving and cutting our holiday trip short. It was an absolute disaster and a major setback in our relationship.

Cut to March 2012, and my wife is picking fights with me almost every other day and I’m constantly pacifying her and walking on eggshells. One night, she goes full tilt on me and I completely lost my cool and we got into a screaming match. Later that night, I tell her that I want to get a divorce.

We weren’t able to sell our house until August of 2012, so we lived together during that time but just in separate rooms. Things were civil. In September 2012, I moved out of our house and into an apartment on the other side of town. As I carried the last box out to my car, she started crying – as did I – and we hugged and kissed for the last time. I texted her and told her that I will love her always, no matter what.

At our divorce proceeding in November, after not seeing her for two months, my wife had miraculously lost all of her weight. She is also very cold and b!tchy when I had to correspond with her that day and she treats me like a total stranger.

From August 2012 to March 2013, I trained like a madman, running 80mpw in a brutal winter. I had no social life. All I did was run, work, and eat. I was doing 3 track workouts a week indoors and running myself into the ground. It sucked, and I raced poorly.

In March 2013 we had to meet to discuss taxes. My wife is now back to her wedding weight and looks beautiful again. As the meeting ended, I pulled her aside to talk with her to see how she was coping. Trying merely to be friendly and cordial. She took it as opportunity to bash the living crap out of me. She said the following:

1. I ask her if she moved back in the area (she lived with a friend out of town for a few months). "I do live in the area now but I don't need to tell you where I live."

2. "This is the last time we ever have to meet, I don't need to see you anymore. I moved on."

3. "I am seeing someone now" I ask her if I know him. She looks at me for a long time with a blank stare and says "no."

I have a friend that works with my wife – and she told me all the dirt. Turns out, I do remember the guy because my wife and I worked for the same company before I left the place and got a new job while we were married. I remember the guy walking by my cubicle.

Turns out that after a mere three months after our divorce, she began sleeping with this guy who is a department director of the company that she still works for. The guy is ugly, fat, and short, but makes more money than me. She wasted no time getting back into a serious relationship, which left me very depressed. I don’t believe she ever cheated on me. I’m fairly certain by what I heard from others that she never did that. She simply jumped at the first guy available and never bothered to look outside the office.

My depression over the divorce and my wife moving on so fast left me virtually lifeless. Let me tell you, the visual of my ex-wife screwing someone new drove me to some very bad places. It’s also complicated by the fact that I desperately wanted intimacy with her during marriage…and she was just too depressed. So, she made all the changes for the new guy, but not her own husband. As a result, I lost even more weight, quit running, and spent literally 4 months in hell. I also sought counseling.

My wife has thoroughly integrated herself into this guy’s family already. The guy also attended her brother’s destination wedding. It is all very sad and hurtful because even though she was terrible to me, I did really love her a lot. I made a vow to do so…it just became too much.

I would say she will probably try to marry this guy. He’s 33 and has never been married before. She’s 31 and wants to have kids NOW. You can put the rest of it together…

After a bit of research into her character, it turns out she most likely has Borderline Personal Disorder. She has virtually all the traits, took all the meds, etc. So it will only be a matter of time before she implodes again and drags this guy down to the levels I was at two years into my marriage.

So, where am I at now? Well, I’m trying to get back into running but the fire is gone. I met this beautiful girl in June and we are casually dating/screwing but I’m taking things very slowly. I dated a few girls in April, no sparks. I’m not 100% still – not completely recovered – but I’m fighting.

I have no interest in getting married again.

I just want to say thanks, Letsrun, for offering advice nearly two years ago. People normally don’t bump these threads, but I just thought about it the other day and decided to update it.

Divorce is a horrible, horrible thing. Try to avoid it.

You are lucky you got out. I would put money on it that in 5 years or less, she will marry this guy, have a kid, and make that guys life hell.

Someone's personality doesn't just change because they are with someone else.

Hang in there and thanks for reporting back.