Falling for a single mom! My family is not having it.

flyingfrog wrote:

Why Marry her? I don't get it. Lets face it, If you thought it was the right thing to do you wouldn't be on this board asking opinions.

For every woman of a failed marriage with 2 kids there are dozens of hot single girls with no baggage. Go find 1.

My guess is that this girl is someone who wouldn't normally be interested in you so you are flattered and excited about it so you want to lock her in. In reality you should run away and you know it.

Texas in 4 years:

No abortions = tons of 25 y.o MILFs running around fishing for second string daddies.

.....Leading to more babies without Daddies

Previous poster made a good point - she’s probably more attractive than most women that give you attention and she tries harder. She has to, she has 2 kids and needs a man/provider. This is not a knock on her, it’s the truth.

My call would be to move on, like someone else said, make some money, grow on your own, find someone else to build a life with

don’t do it.

if for some stupid reason (love?) you just can’t help yourself then do it real freaking slow and commit to nothing.

I didn't read much beyond the original post, but I will say:

-If you're a person of psychological depth, you can absolutely love these children as your own, they will become your own. I informally adopted an adult with a very challenging background. Her successes are my joy and her struggles are my call to action and I'd never give it up.

-Your family not talking to you is very sad. Family that wants to share advice and experience is great, but that is not what they are doing. They are saying, "fall in-line, or you are out." Should we revisit my first point about "loving children as your own." If your child is doing something you think is harmful or unwise, you reach into your earned bank of trust and love to try and help change the course....only a coward or a quitter gives up on their own, a "real man" sees to the well-being of all those around him.

Finally, as someone who realizes how many children are in exceptionally crappy situations, thank you for considering providing these children with a love that exceeds what you parents are demonstrating. Casting you aside for considering caring for children that "are not your own," thats despicable.

If you were my son, I'd want to make sure the ducks were in a row, but I'd be flattered to think that something I had done in raising you led you to aspire to a large, noble, and under-appreciated pursuit.

Passing on the love of your life because its too hard to take on a child who's seed didn't grow in your nuts...you'd be plagued with remorse on your death-bed, and probably alone too.

Yawn. There are likely thousands of single women in your city. Make a smart choice and find somebody else.

Tribe Follower wrote:

[quote]bruhhhhhhh wrote:

What your parents are doing a bad job of conveying to you is that when you are with a person who would experience all these new adventures in life(childbirth, parenting, maturing) equally with you, your path will be a lot easier, equal, and just plain joyful. It's your choice, but just consider what happens down the line.

I really like how you convey the message. It's taking that path together. He's only 25 and there so much life to go. I didn't get married until I was 38, had kids by 39. I'm 40 now. I started dating my wife when I was 33. I bought a house at 27, rented it out and then lived in it at 33. Right now we just closed excrow on our second property and are now renting out the one I bought at 27.

Focus on yourself cause 38 isn't old and neither is 45.

How Soon We Forget wrote:

Flagpole wrote:

I never am on the wrong side of things.

President Hillary disagrees with you.

Guar-ON-teed!!!! LOL!

bruhhhhhhh wrote:

I have a great connection w/ a gal I’ve been seeing for a few months(7). We’re both 25. She’s a single mom of 2, independent, and co-parents happily w/ her ex.

I wasn’t bothered by the single mom status but my family is giving me a big pushback & has not talked to me since I told them about her. They’re extremely conservative & basically gave me an ultimatum. Dads big speech went along the lines of “you’re dishonoring the family, there are many women w/ no kids, keep search, etc.”

I love my family but I also really like this girl. I think they’d really like her if they gave her a chance. What would you do if you’re in my shoes?

I don’t know the stats but I’m guessing, the relationship won’t work out.

However, if you love her than stay and see what happens but don’t effing get married until you’re 30.

There’s no need for you to get married so don’t.

I made the mistake of getting pressured into a marriage ( she was Christian)… wasted a few prime years of my life on her. It took me time to get over her but 10+ years later, my life is 100x better… well not a 100x but i have a family of my own and life is great.

Your parents should shut it unless they know something you don’t… but I’m sure they’re looking out for you in a way.

Do NOT marry her. That great sex you're enjoying with her will stop cold the moment after "I do." You are just a wallet to her. Those kids will be her priority, far above you. Find a child-free single gal and pursue something with her. Your parents are right.

What if this was reversed like one of my best friends.

Male with 2 kids, divorced, so single dad with 2 kids.. younger woman interested in him.

Sucks that you have to rent at 40.

25 year olds can still be stupid, so I'd probably be doing the same thing you are.

But as a 63 year old, I 'd say keep looking.

Wow, an adult posting on LRC! Will wonders never cease?!?

I'm 37 and I definitely feel old dude. My 3 year old tires me out.

Kobbs Hessler wrote:

Do NOT marry her. That great sex you're enjoying with her will stop cold the moment after "I do." You are just a wallet to her. Those kids will be her priority, far above you. Find a child-free single gal and pursue something with her. Your parents are right.

She will be putting a big effort in to hook you, because she has to work harder than single girls who have more options. Generally, women who are let's say, "desirable", don't have to work that hard and the man does most of the chasing. Be suspicious of women who try too hard. They often have other motives than love and affection for the person they are chasing.

I think your family are giving you good advice.

Do you know why her marriage ended? Could be she has behavioural problems that make her intolerable down the line.

25 is way too young these days to be contemplating marriage and raising kids, never mind someone else's kids.}

If you were 40 or 45 or whatever, then you might have to settle for a single mom or even an Internet bride, but not at 25. You have far more choice than this.

U. Raynuss wrote:

25 year olds can still be stupid, so I'd probably be doing the same thing you are.

But as a 63 year old, I 'd say keep looking.

I'm 62 and I say this thread is useless w/o pics

Live your life. Don’t let your parents live your life.

If you both have a connection and are in love with each other then go with that.

You are both young and if it works out it does and if it doesn’t it doesn’t.

The kids add a new dimension you will either adapt to….or you won’t….

Live and learn.

Alan

bruhhhhhhh wrote:

I have a great connection w/ a gal I’ve been seeing for a few months(7). We’re both 25. She’s a single mom of 2, independent, and co-parents happily w/ her ex.

I wasn’t bothered by the single mom status but my family is giving me a big pushback & has not talked to me since I told them about her. They’re extremely conservative & basically gave me an ultimatum. Dads big speech went along the lines of “you’re dishonoring the family, there are many women w/ no kids, keep search, etc.”

I love my family but I also really like this girl. I think they’d really like her if they gave her a chance. What would you do if you’re in my shoes?

Ignore them and stay with her if it feels like a great connection. They will come crawling back to you one day like children who ran away from home. At your age, there are now many issues wherein which your parents no longer know what's best for you. It's your decision who you marry, and no one can know but you whether it's right.

Do you run? Because you won’t after marrying this lady. You’re 25, not rush into the dad life. You enjoy not having a spare tire, I implore you to think twice. Go find a nice cute runner chick that doesn’t have so much baggage.