Do guys often get better quality wives (looks-wise) if they wait until closer to age 40 to marry?

The whole idea of, "the best mates are taken by 30" is an idea that may be true in smaller, relatively closed cities. So while that might be true in and around Dallas-Fort Worth, it is not at all true in larger magnet cities like NYC, DC, Chi, Atlanta, SF and LA. In those places, it is not at all uncommon for an older man to marry a younger woman, and both of them to come from other places, and even other countries.

As to the idea that marrying a younger spouse is not an absolute peer relationship, there is some truth to this. But that also eliminates the conflict in marriages that arises from having to 50/50 on everything. How money is spent, where to live, how the house is decorated, who to invite for dinner parties etc. Things tend to go more smoothly when a single person makes the decisions, and the partner follows. If you are trying to make everything absolutely equal, and both people have a veto on absolutely everything, you can end up w/ a lot of fighting over silly stuff.

Not every marriage has to follow some playbook from popular movies. The nature of relationships are determined by the 2 individuals married, and can deviate significantly from neighbor to neighbor.

I wonder how the divorce rate for older men marrying younger women compares to younger couples (20's) getting married.

FWIW, the best advice I got on this topic was the same from several successful entrepreneurs, don't get married before 35. Now closing in on 37 myself, I am glad I heeded that advice.

At least half of my friends that got married by 26 or 27 to high school or college sweethearts got legally divorced 3-5 years later and it shatters their worlds, kids or no kids. And a significant percentage of the other half are what I would call 'emotionally divorced' (not really friends with their wives anymore, no sex, no communication etc.)

Now in my late thirties, I've spent the last 15 years building a successful career, an effort that took exceptionally long hours, travel, and other sacrifices that would not have been conducive to a successful marriage. During that time I've had the chance to date almost every kind of woman in my wheelhouse and more recently had the time to considered marriage. FYI, the woman I am considering marrying is 8 years younger than me and has her own career.

Marrying young is a much bigger risk than waiting assuming you have the drive to create a successful career while maintaining your physical, emotional and financial health.

Clayton Small (with a small D) wrote:

Do guys often get better quality wives (looks-wise) if they wait until closer to age 40 to marry?

You're such a useless s***bag. I wish people like you were not around. Superficial, stup** and pathetic.

Of course relationships vary, but your post just proves the point about an older man needing to marry a "weak" younger woman so he can CONTROL the decisions. In other words, he is weak, insecure, and can't handle a 50/50 partnership. This may make the man happy, but as the woman matures and grows up, often leaves her miserable. I completely disagree things go "more smoothly when a single person makes the decisions". Seriously, that isn't a marriage but more like an owner/slave relationship. It is the year 2013, not 1813.

We get better-looking ladies if we never marry.

7/10 to the OP. Very obvious troll post from the name. yet still got quite a few letsrun losers to respond and kept the thread going a couple of days. the subject has absolutely nothing to do with running yet many runner nerds are in this position of being a skinny loser who is 40 and single with a small dong.

50 Shades of Grey

troll inspector wrote:

7/10 to the OP. Very obvious troll post from the name. yet still got quite a few letsrun losers to respond and kept the thread going a couple of days. the subject has absolutely nothing to do with running yet many runner nerds are in this position of being a skinny loser who is 40 and single with a small dong.

Not a troll. My name really is Clayton Small. Look me up on LinkedIn.

probably a man wrote:

Of course relationships vary, but your post just proves the point about an older man needing to marry a "weak" younger woman so he can CONTROL the decisions. In other words, he is weak, insecure, and can't handle a 50/50 partnership. This may make the man happy, but as the woman matures and grows up, often leaves her miserable. I completely disagree things go "more smoothly when a single person makes the decisions". Seriously, that isn't a marriage but more like an owner/slave relationship. It is the year 2013, not 1813.

you have a very clear definition of what YOU think marriage is and should be, and the only way it can be successful. People have a wide range of expectations from marriage. Ask a 27 year old woman who is dating a 27yr old guy and a 42 yr old guy if the relationships are the same, and she will reply, "no". they are very different. she most likely feels much more comfortable surrendering control to an older man. some may not - those women are not interested in dating older men, and so they will not.

My experience is that women prefer to surrender some control in a relationship, and they do not grow out of this. its not a master servant relationship. but there are very distinct roles for each partner, and they are not identical.

there is this peculiarly American idea that marriage partners need to be absolutely equal in all respects, or they will be unhappy. nothing could be further from the truth.

In my case, I control very little. I make the money, and manage it, but have little say in how it is spent. I don't pick where we live, I don't even pick my own clothes - my wife shops for me. If anything I'd observe that when I was in an "equal" relationship I was more of a control freak, because it was entirely unclear what I was responsible for, and what our expectations of each other were.

probably a man wrote:

Of course relationships vary, but your post just proves the point about an older man needing to marry a "weak" younger woman so he can CONTROL the decisions. In other words, he is weak, insecure, and can't handle a 50/50 partnership. This may make the man happy, but as the woman matures and grows up, often leaves her miserable. I completely disagree things go "more smoothly when a single person makes the decisions". Seriously, that isn't a marriage but more like an owner/slave relationship. It is the year 2013, not 1813.

The real secret I have learned as I have gotten older is that there are some women (not all) who want to be mommies and stay at home. they come from all walks of life, all educational and professional backgrounds, and there is something in the programming of all women that makes this appealing to them.

It is wrong to think that women are compelled to adopt these roles. its not 1950. what some people find difficult to stomach is that women would choose to assume these roles. it is very judgemental to suggest that a role such as this has no value either for the family or for them emotionally.

people would like to think that wives are "forced" to stay at home, but that is not the case. many many of them love it. and these are some of the smartest people in the world.

Bang'em Young wrote:

[quote]probably a man wrote:

Of course relationships vary, but your post just proves the point about an older man needing to marry a "weak" younger woman so he can CONTROL the decisions. In other words, he is weak, insecure, and can't handle a 50/50 partnership. This may make the man happy, but as the woman matures and grows up, often leaves her miserable. I completely disagree things go "more smoothly when a single person makes the decisions". Seriously, that isn't a marriage but more like an owner/slave relationship. It is the year 2013, not 1813.

The real secret I have learned as I have gotten older is that there are some women (not all) who want to be mommies and stay at home. they come from all walks of life, all educational and professional backgrounds, and there is something in the programming of all women that makes this appealing to them.

It is wrong to think that women are compelled to adopt these roles. its not 1950. what some people find difficult to stomach is that women would choose to assume these roles. it is very judgemental to suggest that a role such as this has no value either for the family or for them emotionally.

people would like to think that wives are "forced" to stay at home, but that is not the case. many many of them love it. and these are some of the smartest people in the world/

Big difference between wanting to be a "mommy" and staying at home with children and what the poster suggested. He suggested that one person have the power in the relationship, make the decisions, and the other person just complies. A woman could be a stay at home mother and still be an equal partner. Older men usually want to dictate, as another poster bragged, how much wiser and more knowledgeable they are than their younger mate. This idea suggests he is insecure with anyone his equal. As the younger woman grows up and realizes she is married to an old, controlling man, they generally either divorce or end up on antidepressants and weekly psych. visits.

This idea suggests he is insecure with anyone his equal. As the younger woman grows up and realizes she is married to an old, controlling man, they generally either divorce or end up on antidepressants and weekly psych. visits.[/quote]

yup. I disagree about old guys mostly being controlling. I think many of them are old dogs who don't want to leran new tricks, but not really controlling. People of all ages can be controlling.

I'm a woman who can take a controlling guy because I love my freedom to be myself! It might even be more important to me than being in a relationship because I won't want to stay around a guy who tries to turn me into what he wants.

And you're right that some women love being the homemaker. My one sister does and my other one wants her career with kids.

Bang'em Young wrote:

I didn't get married until I was 42. My wife was 27 at the time. She is, by many accounts, "hot". She is also very cool. I think this is a function of the age difference - women who consider you a peer treat you differently than those who think of you as "older", "wiser", "more experienced", etc. I am very glad I waited.

From what I have observed, men who marry later and marry a person younger generally get the pick of the litter in terms of looks. People who say these guys are losers do not know what they are talking about.

So when your wife is 42, and you are 57, will she get a better quality guy when she trades out? Start saving for the divorce fella

Bang'em Young wrote:

I didn't get married until I was 42. My wife was 27 at the time. She is, by many accounts, "hot". She is also very cool. I think this is a function of the age difference - women who consider you a peer treat you differently than those who think of you as "older", "wiser", "more experienced", etc. I am very glad I waited.

From what I have observed, men who marry later and marry a person younger generally get the pick of the litter in terms of looks. People who say these guys are losers do not know what they are talking about.

unsure wrote:

So when your wife is 42, and you are 57, will she get a better quality guy when she trades out? Start saving for the divorce fella

she should do that now, if she is going to do it. the odds of a woman getting married >40 are 100:1.

There is no right or wrong way to be married. This american idea that spouses need to be absolute peers is also incorrect. there are lots of people who are the ones in control while at the same time they are not control freaks.

Just because you see a person who has ceded some control does not mean she is a victim who will demand control back at some point. the whole point of being married is giving up control. if you try to remain in control in your marriage, you will be very unhappy.

I think the Op and anyone who thought enough to reply to this is a douche. Ohshit, I just replied.

You haven't been with very many women have you?

This idea of waiting to get married is only feasible, as some have already suggested, if you have no problem dating women through your 20's/early 30's and are building a successful career.

By just like not everyone here is a 14:30 5K runner making over $150K/year, I would say that a large percentage of males lack the social skils and economic stability that would allow for the "sit and kick" approach in terms of marriage.

If your 40 getting married how young would you go? 28 or so is about the limit before you start getting lot of weird looks and jokes about marrying your daughter. Looks wise that is towards the end of the peak. You would be better off marrying a 22 year old when your 30 and getting another 6 prime yearsObviously this is only if all you care about is looks. In reality in that case you would be better off staying single.

It all depends on how much you can afford for your Russian bride. If you can afford a more expensive one when you are 40 then the answer is yes.