this is either trolling or illogical. you said no 30 mi per week, no 100 mi per week. emotions or jerking us around, this should then logically rule out the marathon idea you just got excited about. how do you plan on racing 26 and change if you don't want to train 30.
you then said no 5k if it's not pretty quick. you implied without the mileage you can't make the time. ok, being logical, you just ruled out everything 5k and above, inasmuch as the first set above ruled out distance work, and the second set here rules out 5k.
logically, you are then 3k/steeple down. perhaps practically down even further than that unless you're cool doing 3ks off <30 mi per week. more like 2 mile road races or 1500/mile. to me there is some cool stuff like the fifth avenue mile i always wanted to do.
if this is then pushing you into events you don't feel "sprinty" enough for, you either have to adjust, treat it as a masters/PR challenge. or we're talking you're done competing and just get over it and run some for exercise, or start a new sport.
if you're not following this logic then you're just emotionally venting or trying to pick fights or something.
piece of advice is when you brainstorm ideas for new hobbies or off ramps, you will get 20 of them but you can't try everything and it pays to be mindful of why the ones that you're getting sick of, bother you, lest you repeat your mistakes like some teenager. eg if you are sick of mileage for the time being, then a marathon might have been a dream in the abstract, but it's not the bright dream to choose rationally, as you're already telling us you're sick of mileage.