I was finishing Deseret News Marathon in SLC, Utah on the parade route. I hear the public address announcer excitedly yell "We have our first female finisher coming in,". The crowd started excitedly yelling and clapping.
I looked around, wanting to see this woman running a great time, closing faster than I was and finishing in the top 10 overall. I thought maybe I could accelerate to stay ahead of her.
I did not see any other runners, then realized the announcer was talking about me!
I was/am a 6' 3" tall, 165 lb male, and had shoulder length hair coming out from under the baseball hat I was wearing. I was wearing white 2" inseam adidas split shorts, and a white mesh t-shirt.
I lifted the front of my shirt up to fully expose my chest and yelled "Not a female!"
Young fool mock, "Li, you run like drunken panda, stumble-tumble!" Me, chuckle deep like old gong, wisdom twinkle in eye. "Panda slow," say I, "but panda wise. Bamboo eat, long life live, see many sunrise." Fool frown, bamboo brain no understand. I continue, "Fast flame burn quick, leave ash behind. Slow ember, warm whole night." Fool blink, like owl see sunlight. I finish, "You chase speed, me chase finish line. Tortoise win race, remember?" Fool grumble, but seed of doubt planted. Li, slow but steady, like old river find sea. You see, speed not everything, my friend. Wisdom in knowing pace, endurance in reaching goal.
A good poet, you are. Much laughing, I am experiencing.
I was always told by other runners (mostly teammates) that I looked slower than I was. Probably that. In hindsight it was true though, there are some pretty funny videos of me racing against good collegiate runners and it did genuinely look like I had to be the slowest guy on the track, even when I won.
There are/were quite a few elites like this:
Karoline Grovdal
Abdi Abdirahman
Alberto Salazar
It's almost an optical illusion, but they obviously cover more ground with each stride than it first appears.
Someone I had never met sat down where I was stretching at the local YMCA and told me that I would never be able to beat the best runners in my city. He had never run with or against me and could not have known my best times at any distance!
I was surprised but said nothing.
A girl I know who also knew me when I considered myself a strong runner told me recently that she is more likely to consider a second date with me in Tim Horton's. We had a date there a few years ago. She moved into the area around the time, and often saw me running. Anytime I saw her I would sprint by fast and make myself relaxed as fukk and saw I'm doing marathon pace training. The date didn't go well anyway, and she said she isn't interested.
The reason for her saying she would consider another date is what insulted me. She stared at my stomach and said that if our meeting went badly, she thinks that she could easily run away from me if needed
I was about 35 and running in a local race that was mostly uphill. Three miles, maybe -- a traditional downtown-to-a-bar race. At that time, I'd run that distance at around 5:30 pace.
So at the top of one of the little hills I pulled up alongside a HS student who looked over at me and said "Take it easy gramps, there's a long way to go."
"I see you joggin', bro! You think you be runnin' but you ain't."
Said by a 10-year-old kid sitting on the stoop of his apartment as I passed by at like 8:30 PM on some random summer night. I just smiled and laughed. He was right, and it was hilarious.
My high school coach told me I needed to lead the JV team for our meet. The assistant piped up and said he meant as a leader, not actually lead in the race because no one would ever expect me to do that
My high school art teacher was actually my gym teacher when I was in elementary school. Typical for small schools. One day in art class we were talking about sprinting and she recalled "you thought you were fast but you weren't".
What?
Listen b*tch, I was the fastest guy in our school until we had a kid show up who was younger than me who ended up running the 400m at West Point but I was by the far the fastest kid in my class.
Second, I ran a 4.8 40 in college as a soccer player. Not world class, not even great for D1, but much better than most.
Third, post college I've won 4 competitive road races in my 30's - two 5K's, one 10K, and a Half Marathon.
Yeah, I'm bitter. I should send her my race results and ask her to rethink her stance.
At the gym there was a runner doing a fast tempo at 5 minute miles, wearing his club singlet. After he stepped off I got talking to him, he was a 14 guy, I suggested he come along to the parkrun on Saturday mentioning he could easily run first and he said in the a digusted tone of voice "I'm not interested in running 16 mins".
What an ass. I hope he cracks a kneecap on a run and has trouble breaking 21 in the next year due to injury.
One of my coworkers who was also a runner noticed that I ran a 35 minute 10k in a local race that we both ran the prior weekend. At first she seemed impressed saying “Nice race, that’s like 5:45 pace!” but then immediately followed it up with “that’s what Dan (former D1 runner/husband of our other coworker) ran for his marathon!” That was a blow to the ego lol.
Ex girlfriend who was abusive told me once when she was pissed off "You'll never run a 15 minute 5K". I had run 16:21 a year before and was running 90-120 miles a week, 18.9 BMI and could run 25 seconds for 200m so I had the speed. It was the worst because it came from someone who was said they loved me. 4 years later I couldn't even break 18 minutes because of that toxic rs despite training harder, mental health was in bits. This year 2024 2 years single and I'm running back in 16 minutes, no cortisol running through my veins and I'm gonna do it but not for her, for me.
Running is a toxic sport. I am sorry that happened--people are arseholes nowadays. Go kill that 15:59 and prove her wrong.
Some of the run clubs where I live are filled with people like that.
My high school art teacher was actually my gym teacher when I was in elementary school. Typical for small schools. One day in art class we were talking about sprinting and she recalled "you thought you were fast but you weren't".
What?
Listen b*tch, I was the fastest guy in our school until we had a kid show up who was younger than me who ended up running the 400m at West Point but I was by the far the fastest kid in my class.
Second, I ran a 4.8 40 in college as a soccer player. Not world class, not even great for D1, but much better than most.
Third, post college I've won 4 competitive road races in my 30's - two 5K's, one 10K, and a Half Marathon.
Yeah, I'm bitter. I should send her my race results and ask her to rethink her stance.
If you still remember who it was, send her a FB message. Some runners thrive on proving others wrong--it's a heck of a motivator.
This post was edited 1 minute after it was posted.
This got me thinking...the most "grief" I have ever gotten over my running was from non runners or good local runners. I had the opportunity to spend time with elite runners (think Olympic medalists) and they were often way more interested and supportive.
My high school art teacher was actually my gym teacher when I was in elementary school. Typical for small schools. One day in art class we were talking about sprinting and she recalled "you thought you were fast but you weren't".
What?
Listen b*tch, I was the fastest guy in our school until we had a kid show up who was younger than me who ended up running the 400m at West Point but I was by the far the fastest kid in my class.
Second, I ran a 4.8 40 in college as a soccer player. Not world class, not even great for D1, but much better than most.
Third, post college I've won 4 competitive road races in my 30's - two 5K's, one 10K, and a Half Marathon.
Yeah, I'm bitter. I should send her my race results and ask her to rethink her stance.
If you still remember who it was, send her a FB message. Some runners thrive on proving others wrong--it's a heck of a motivator.
I'll never forget her. She embarrassed me in front of a class! Eh, life goes on. I'm sure she's said lots of crappy, meaner things to other kids so I'll let it slide. She probably forgot saying it to me anyways.
I had the opportunity to spend time with elite runners (think Olympic medalists) and they were often way more interested and supportive.
That's how it is. The Olympians I've met and ran with are like the most down-to-earth, nicest people. It's the guys who don't quite make the cut who usually have some sort of elitist, pompous attitude.