I married into a poor family. Ask me anything

"Ask me anything"

Did you share this post with your wife? Do you plan to pass your attitudes on to your kids? Anything good to say about those relatives you've gown to know? Did you mean to insult the entire family? Is "dead beat" someone who has amassed less than 1.3 mil? Is your last line a warning, meaning that you regret this whole marriage/family thing?

I'm assuming the entire post is a joke, and not authentic.

Forgot, one more - do you talk often with your wife about your former wealthy girlfriends and their wonderful families?

Enjoy incurring their debts when they die

investing noob wrote:

Flagpole wrote:

OP,

Sounds like you married well, brother.

Thank you very much! Flagpole you're one of my favorite posters here. I've followed your financial advice for over a decade here. I learned a lot from you.

What Flaggie failed to mention is how this will cause a rift in your marriage later when the honeymoon period is over and you have tired of your wife's "lady parts". You will get tired of this crap and their selfish spending choices before too long. Buying a new car for a lousy niece? Really? They saw this sucker coming. Do you post bail for her worthless brothers as well?

Of course her family was nice to the starving student - they had visions of the future that you obviously do not.

Hope this helps.

Of course you are a REAL MAN in Flaggie's eyes.

When they swipe that EBT food stamp card do they thank those who actually work to pay for their food? Or are they envious fascists who demand more?

I'm Vietnamese, so I feel you (I'm guessing you married a Pinay working as a nurse?). I don't have much, but even I fear what would happen if I married a first-gen poor Asian from the old country. Many SILs in my culture are so "helpful" that I often joke they're Vietnam's greatest export. From helping financially with home purchases to paying for med school for that nephew in Cambodia they've never even met, I don't know how these guys do it with a smile.

investing noob wrote:

Flagpole wrote:

OP,

Sounds like you married well, brother.

Thank you very much! Flagpole you're one of my favorite posters here. I've followed your financial advice for over a decade here. I learned a lot from you.

Cool, brother.

How fortunate you are that you have a wife who cares about her family and can help them out. Being married to a loving, caring person is a great gift. Obviously, she can't give away all of your money, but she's not doing that. You have a decent amount in retirement for someone not yet 40. One of the nice things about having some financial means is to spread joy to those we love.

seattle prattle wrote:

what do you do for enjoyment? Hobbies, Are you passionate about anything?

Where do you find the fulfilment in your life?

I like to play pickup basketball 2-3 times a week. Before the pandemic I liked going to NBA games, concerts, skiing, traveling, chilling on the beach, watching movies and listening to music. Now my life revolves around raising my son. We take him to museums, the library, playgrounds, the pool, the beach.

G Cup wrote:

Were your grandparents well off?

No, they were poor as well. I think they lived off of social security. But my Dad and uncles helped them out too.

Vince Matthews Fan wrote:

"Ask me anything"

Did you share this post with your wife? Do you plan to pass your attitudes on to your kids? Anything good to say about those relatives you've gown to know? Did you mean to insult the entire family? Is "dead beat" someone who has amassed less than 1.3 mil? Is your last line a warning, meaning that you regret this whole marriage/family thing?

I'm assuming the entire post is a joke, and not authentic.

No I did not share this post. I'm not sure what you mean by attitude but sure, I'll pass it on but he can decide for himself how to view things. Yes the relatives are very nice people and care a lot about each other. No I did not mean to insult the entire family.

By deadbeat, I mean one brother took out a HELOC on their parent's paid off house and lost it all, and did not pay anything back. And her other brother got into drugs and gangs, never had a steady job, had two kids out of wedlock with two different women, and still lives with her parents rent free in his 40s. So my wife and I are basically supporting him too.

My last line means what it says. Know what you're getting into before you marry someone.

Vince Matthews Fan wrote:

Forgot, one more - do you talk often with your wife about your former wealthy girlfriends and their wonderful families?

Nope not at all.

investing noob wrote:

seattle prattle wrote:

what do you do for enjoyment? Hobbies, Are you passionate about anything?

Where do you find the fulfilment in your life?

I like to play pickup basketball 2-3 times a week. Before the pandemic I liked going to NBA games, concerts, skiing, traveling, chilling on the beach, watching movies and listening to music. Now my life revolves around raising my son. We take him to museums, the library, playgrounds, the pool, the beach.

That is really interesting to me. The family money stuff, not so much.

One tip, there, investing noob, and then i'm done on that topic, and it applies to family net worth as well:

Buy low and sell high. But in this case, i would revert to another adage: let your winners ride.

If I may offer some more interesting advice, expose your son to some of your investing research and interest. I did, and mine is now in a good college program to pursue that as a career. I remember it like it was yesterday when he sat on my lap at the computer and we would flip through stock charts together, at about 8 years old, asking some surprisingly good questions.

Enough said.

jbdhdye wrote:

Enjoy incurring their debts when they die

I don't think it works like that. Also they don't have a credit card, so I don't think they even have debt.

Good advice, thanks! I'm a noob when it comes to investing, hence my name. So I don't have much investing knowledge to pass on. I just stick with boring VTI in my Roth and large cap index in 401k.

I'm good with saving and being frugal, that I will try to pass on.

Tauranga Tom wrote:

investing noob wrote:

Thank you very much! Flagpole you're one of my favorite posters here. I've followed your financial advice for over a decade here. I learned a lot from you.

What Flaggie failed to mention is how this will cause a rift in your marriage later when the honeymoon period is over and you have tired of your wife's "lady parts". You will get tired of this crap and their selfish spending choices before too long. Buying a new car for a lousy niece? Really? They saw this sucker coming. Do you post bail for her worthless brothers as well?

Of course her family was nice to the starving student - they had visions of the future that you obviously do not.

Hope this helps.

Of course you are a REAL MAN in Flaggie's eyes.

I had a regular office job before I was a student. They were nice to me the entire time. How long does the honeymoon period last? We've been married 6 years, so far so good. Her brothers have not been in jail that I've been aware of. But we have bailed them out for other things.

Puddin head Joe wrote:

When they swipe that EBT food stamp card do they thank those who actually work to pay for their food? Or are they envious fascists who demand more?

I'm not sure. I don't know anything about fascists so I don't know the answer to that.

Valley Heat wrote:

I'm Vietnamese, so I feel you (I'm guessing you married a Pinay working as a nurse?). I don't have much, but even I fear what would happen if I married a first-gen poor Asian from the old country. Many SILs in my culture are so "helpful" that I often joke they're Vietnam's greatest export. From helping financially with home purchases to paying for med school for that nephew in Cambodia they've never even met, I don't know how these guys do it with a smile.

It's definitely a culture shock for sure. I've heard of Africans and Latinos doing things like this for sure.

i'm pretty sure that will make an impression on your child and future children. They pick up on those things. I never found that it had to be stated, and I suspect that it would have worked against us if we tried to impart it, as opposed to just living it.

College funds are worth looking into, also, if we hadn't discussed that elsewhere.

I have a serious question:

How do you personally deal with the cultural differences / differences in education? I married someone I am compatible with but comes from a completely different country, and her family is poor. After marriage, she developed a significant / life altering illness and has been on and off treatments since (glioblastoma, a deadly brain cancer). She responded to one treatment for quite a while relatively speaking before it came back. Luckily, I am separated from her insane family both physically and linguistically, but I also feel responsible to keep them updated on her health, since she is their bloody daughter and you think they would be supportive of what we are going through. All I get back is abuse despite being literally the only reason she is still alive (bringing her to a country with real treatment options and having health insurance). Complete distrust and lack of even rudimentary understanding of how the world works incapacitates my ability to communicate with these animals. At this point, I have her immediate family blocked on the only mode of communication we had (skype) but it doesn't stop me from being panged by guilt especially if my wife's health takes a turn for the worse. At this point though, I have resigned to literally never sending even a vague notion of communication to this human waste, even if my wife dies, to protect my own mental health more than anything