All in your 40s/50s: Has your cohort blown up as many marriages as mine?

If you look at rankings for highest divorce rates, other than Nevada, the top 15 are almost entirely Southern states with high numbers of religious believers. The lowest divorce rates are in wealthier, more liberal states such as Pennsylvania and New York. I don't think it's about religion or politics directly, though. In Southern/rural areas people get married much younger; it is common in these areas for people to get married right out of high school, which is a recipe for divorce. Also, these areas have lower educational attainment levels, as well as higher rates of problems such as obesity and diabetes, which doesn't help.

PTO wrote:

NoName wrote:

most people I know are divorced (including myself) ... Marriages does not work anymore,It's usually the women that initiates the divorce, because they rarely have nothing to loose. I tell my son, please never get married and don't have kids it will ruin you.

Glad my dad never told me that it would suck going through life alone.

Marriage and kids are like running you get out of it what you put into it, neither one is always easy. I have enjoyed both and wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Great post. I believe that works not only with relationships(doesn't have to be just marriage) and running, but with almost everything in life. You get out what you put in. If you put in enough and have a little luck, you may get exponentially more.

Dear everybody:

The Letsrun forum is a terrible place to find answers to these questions. Here is what happens (a number of posters pointed this out, but here goes again for clarity):

1. Person X notices a trend in his/her own life. Sample size is usually 1-5 occurrences.

2. Person X extrapolates said observation to a huge population (e.g., millions of Americans in Person X's "cohort").

3. Person X posts about the observation and the extrapolation.

4. Person Y sees the post, resonates with it, and adds their observation, also based on a single-digit sample size.

5. Person X and Person Y corroborate each other's findings and sweeping conclusions are drawn with excitement.

6. When compared to actual research, these conclusions are terribly erroneous.

7. Few posters learn or care about this pattern, and many many more threads of this nature perpetuate.

grammar twat wrote:

NoName wrote:

most people I know are divorced (including myself) ... Marriages does not work anymore,It's usually the women that initiates the divorce, because they rarely have nothing to loose. I tell my son, please never get married and don't have kids it will ruin you.

Your wife left you because you couldn't articulate your thoughts in plain English.

I'm not the best at being grammatically correct but that paragraph is awful! Maybe if he could write a sentence, his marriage would of been tighter.

wuppertal wrote:

I grew up upper middle class in a Los Angeles suburb. Solid high school, mostly prosperous parents. Not rich, but very comfy.

Among my peers I know of 2 marriages that have lasted 15+ years. Maybe 3. And mine is one of them.

And probably 20 divorces plus a few never marrieds.

Is that normal? WTF is wrong with us?

I am 55 and have been married 32 years. My older brother, married 31 years,

My younger brother is on his 4th marriage... Go figure.

I think people now want to GET married(wedding, party, honeymoon, etc), but don't want to BE married- big difference.

If you see a wedding and the bride or groom smashes the wedding cake into the others face- divorce coming/ doomed to fail.

You don't have enough respect for your (now) spouse to treat them nicely, everything is a joke....

Just saying...

it happens so so much wrote:

Dear everybody:

The Letsrun forum is a terrible place to find answers to these questions. Here is what happens (a number of posters pointed this out, but here goes again for clarity):

1. Person X notices a trend in his/her own life. Sample size is usually 1-5 occurrences.

2. Person X extrapolates said observation to a huge population (e.g., millions of Americans in Person X's "cohort").

3. Person X posts about the observation and the extrapolation.

4. Person Y sees the post, resonates with it, and adds their observation, also based on a single-digit sample size.

5. Person X and Person Y corroborate each other's findings and sweeping conclusions are drawn with excitement.

6. When compared to actual research, these conclusions are terribly erroneous.

7. Few posters learn or care about this pattern, and many many more threads of this nature perpetuate.

But that's what's so addicting and fun about this virtual asylum!

Good Luck to you flagpole.

I was in your smug situation until my spouse of 25 years decided to hire a famous name employee for his business that would increase his social standing, even though she was long divorced and desperate (as well as more than a decade younger than me.) It doesn't matter how committed you are if your spouse has a midlife crisis and needs "connections" to improve access to "old or new" money. The carnal aspect may work in favor of the aging male, however, those big name young women are not exactly in it for love....

My own married friends- first wave BabyBoomers seem to fall into some general groups

divorced-joint apathy

together forever bonded strongly around hearth, home and offspring if not each other.

divorced- outside sexual activity based

divorced- $ issues too much and not enough

the fun ones actually were and still are in love

Honestly everyone is surprised those two lasted more than 23 day WTF were they thinking.

Doclove wrote:

NoName wrote:

most people I know are divorced (including myself) ... Marriages does not work anymore,It's usually the women that initiates the divorce, because they rarely have nothing to loose. I tell my son, please never get married and don't have kids it will ruin you.

Do you really know yourself and did you too not have nothing too loose

Men or women that are too loose will usually divorce.

ML wrote:

Good Luck to you flagpole.

I was in your smug situation until my spouse of 25 years decided to hire a famous name employee for his business that would increase his social standing, even though she was long divorced and desperate (as well as more than a decade younger than me.) It doesn't matter how committed you are if your spouse has a midlife crisis and needs "connections" to improve access to "old or new" money. The carnal aspect may work in favor of the aging male, however, those big name young women are not exactly in it for love....

Nothing smug about it. Point was that just because someone who was divorced says that "marriage doesn't work anymore" doesn't make it so.

My last paragraph sums up my position:

"Marriage isn't for everyone. People who know how to get along with each other, problem-solve and show love are those who are successful. While marriage is definitely a two-way street, I do recognize that sometimes ONE of the two completely sabotages a marriage. USUALLY though, both are at fault when it comes to divorce."

Did your former spouse problem-solve and show love? I say no.

I was in the Air Force, and most of the guys/girls who marred young are now on their second marriage. I just don't have great numbers to back it up, but I am sure militry divorce is higher than the national average.

Marriage is difficult... I am divorced and definitely feel I made some mistakes. Ultimately, my wife wanted out...

Some basic divorce stats....

http://www.divorcestatistics.org/

http://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/