sighhhh wrote:
I'm only a 2nd year in college but I haven't really kept in touch with most of them. An occasional facebook post but that's about it. I'm always bored when I come home for breaks since all I do is run and sleep (and occasionally work if I can get a job) and don't really have friends to meet up with. Kinda sad. Anyone else relate?
I'm 26. When I was a sophomore in college this problem used to bug me to no end. I used to believe I was somehow responsible for old "friendships" fizzling out. I didn't understand why I saw fewer friends in general every time I went home...
Things start to clear up the more you develop independence. You aren't independent (for the MOST part) as an undergraduate. You are living in dorms (usually), have loans or money given to you by your parents to supplement the few thousand you might make over the summer. You still aren't responsible for too much and have no major stress. But when you hit your mid-twenties that changes.
Granted this scenario plays out different for some people, but this is what made me realize why I had no more friends back at my hometown:
I was calling them my friends because they were the only people I had. I came from a small town (class of 110 graduates). My definition of a friend was a classmate or teammate that I saw on a regular basis and did not have an immediate problem with. Some I hung out with moreso than others. But it's not until your life becomes serious that you realize who is your friend and who couldn't care less about you. I cannot think of a single person I consider my friend from HS. I REFUSE to make the effort to stay in contact if I know it's not a mutual effort. Sharing a few drinks twice a month is NOT my idea of a friendship.
Right now I've found that my friends are the people who've made it a point to stay in contact whether they move out of state, or are stationed in Iraq...
They are happy doing something stupid with me on a Friday night like randomly going to Walmart and buying a food dehydrator to make our own dried fruit with instead of getting tanked at a local bar. I don't not hear from them just because I don't want to spend the next morning hungover.
I have written off SO many people over the past 3 years that I believed were my friends. I recently spent the past 3 months literally in bed or on crutches getting over surgery. I found out quickly who actually cared to know where I was or how I was doing. They were the friends who came to see me, picked up the phone to call me, ...one actually showed up to the hospital the day of my surgery with my mother despite me telling him not to. I know none of these are reasons that seem exceptional or amazing...but the sad thing is how many people can you count on one hand that would actually want to be there or do any of those things with YOU?
I'm going to guess it's not many...
It does get better. When you have a more stable career and are out of school and settled, you begin to develop some very long-lasting relationships. You just need to have more confidence and faith that for now, it might not be the case. But it's nothing you've done or should feel badly about.