im afraid of getting older

OP here (ie XC Miller) — posting anon bc I’ve long since forgotten my old password, quit checking this site, and stopped running for that matter. But I felt this deserved an update.

The fear of getting older hits everyone at some point or another, in fact, it’s arguably embedded in our dna. I’m coming up on 28 and I don’t have all the answers: the last 9 years have had their ups and downs. I had an amazing 4 years of college, 3 stressful years at a top 10 law school, followed by 2.5 stressful but also rewarding years clerking for a federal judge and working in “big law.” I’m still close with my hs pals (many of whom I went with to college) and have made many more since. I’ve had too many unexpected pleasures to even relate! I’m still nostalgic at heart and suffer from mild depression (usually in the form of a recurring dream of me being in hs and college) but I’m also able to find a little more perspective. If I could go back and respond to my first post, more than 9 years ago, I’d say “relax. You’ll have good days and bad days, but life will be what you make of it.” Rather than fear, choose to be bold!

Good job. For a moment I thought it was going to turn to Judge Kavanaugh. My daughter is an attorney as well for a regional law firm primarily contract law. At times she seems to feel the pressure but in the end I believe it suits her personality. Glad you are finding your sea legs.

Igy

Jeez. When I was 18 I couldn't wait to attain all of the benefits of full mature adulthood. Now, at 60, the benefits of getting older are less clear. But consider the alternative!

I'm looking forward to my 80's. Ed Whitlock passed at 85, so if I hang on that long I may be able to have a shot at the 85-90 age-group 'thon record.

M.A.G.A.

I hear you. I hope that you are at least reaping love from those you’ve touched and approaching financial security. Statistically, senior citizens are the happiest demographic — I suspect that’s due to greater appreciation for the small things and less angst/ greater acceptance over the big things.

I’ve found in my life that this fear tends to come out when I haven’t yet adapted to the next chapter (eg being a young lawyer who missed freedom of school; now that everyone’s getting married around me, angst over losing my friends) but this tends to fade when I adapt (starting to like being a lawyer a bit; still single, but once I find a lady I’ll probably be okay spending less time with the mates.)

But, yea, it’s a trip revisiting this — I was checking my old LetsRun posts bc I was thinking about my running days and coming across this thread in particular struck a chord. I find comfort in the fact that so many people can relate to this fear, and that, further, we all experience it throughout our lives.

I had no idea when I first authored this just how great the following year would be — so maybe I’ll meet my future wife next week? Who knows, but the point for me at least is to spend more time enjoying the present, accepting the future, and when confronted with the past (either deliberately like I did with this thread or by accident like in a dream) just allow yourself to enjoy the memory, good or bad.

Most of my friends from 2009 are doing well. We are currently planning our 10 year reunion. Many are married with kids. One also died shortly after graduation. Several others have struggled with opiates.

I’m just gonna keep sipping on my sweet tea once I put this phone down. It’s damn good, and it’s all I have or need right now.

Be true to yourself and it will always work out for you.

Igy

Glad to hear from you again, OP! Glad to hear life is going well-to-normally for you.

For me (male in mid-50s), an unexpected life benefit of aging is more experience and perspective. While I might not have the energy or willingness to dive in/prove myself as I did in my youth, I like that I can appreciate more things and people, and have a better catalog of emotional and social-skill resources I can use. Guile is good!

Keep living, get involved, take chances, and learn and leverage your strengths.

That’s great to hear. Curious, what do you mean by guile? Just that you have to be a go-getter?

Being wiley, cagey.... etc. doesn't always have to have a bad connotation.

Im 24 and I used to think like this. You’re gonna be fine, once you get out of college and start realmlife you’ll get used to it real quick and time seems to go slower once you reach adulthood (maybe that’s because im bored and days seem long because of my job lol).

But relax, have fun, youre only as young/old as you feel so stay as healthy as you can. You will be fine :)

Glad to hear that things are working out.

As someone who's about 2/3rds of his way through his life if all goes according to averages, and as someone who's been paying attention along the way, i'd like to offer a little of my observations.

The fact that you have some trepidation over what you are giving up with each transition to a new stage in your life is not something you should feel unease about nor anxious about. That's a good thing. Frankly, it's indicative of a mind that is asking questions and trying to make connections. The first step to figuring out the answers is being willing to ask the questions, to wonder, and to frame the inquiry in general. Really, this reluctance to lose what you value - in this case youth, and all that comprises it - will set you up to understand the changes that are to come.

As for the nature of those changes, I'll spare you the lecture. But suffice it to say, from my experience, things change as we age and as we take on new roles in life. You change. And in most cases, that makes you more fit to take on new roles in your work, in your community, in a relationship, and family. But you lose things, too. One doesn't come without the other.

So, all i can say is, it's good to have some level of cognizance of these trade-offs, as i've pointed out before. But the person you will be in 10 years, 20 years, and so on, will not be the same person you are today. Many things that don't make sense now probably will then. You're not just going to be a diminished version of yourself, you'll be a person with that's reaped all the benefits of having gone through the successive chapters of your life. That's one of the rewards of weathering the years. You can learn and grow from them.

And frankly, some of the things that happen as we get older- the changes that our bodies and mind undergo - are pretty neat. Is it better, is it worse - who knows? Mostly it's a trade-off and not one that we have a whole lot of control over, anyways.

So thank you very much for sharing your observations and questions. I've really benefited from your willingness to share this.