When does parenting get easier?

1ub2run wrote:

Head above water doesn't change. It evolves. You can get rid of it by not caring so much or getting help.

You just found the lifehack of many many parents. By the time the kid doesn't need constant supervision, they can convince themselves they are "done" outside of providing rules and managing logistics. People seem to forget that working hard to get their kid into a magnet school or whatever is admirable, but it does not take the place of the emotional hard work that is needed at all ages on a 1-to-1 level. People stop being parents and start being managers without knowing it.

[quote]pumpiron wrote:

To parents: what age were your kids when you felt like parenting was less hands-on all the time?

I have a 10-month old and it feels like we are barely keeping our heads above water.

Does it get easier

Usually once they move out.

Between the ages of 5-12 was awesome. Fun stuff, interacting is cool. Before and after those ages it is more work.

Teen and adult kids...they are (more) independent, but the worries are greater and the stakes are higher when they make mistakes...and yes, they will make many, so don't be surprised or too disappointed. It is how they handle their mistakes that counts...just like it did/does for you.

CrossFan wrote:

Between the ages of 5-12 was awesome. Fun stuff, interacting is cool. Before and after those ages it is more work.

Teen and adult kids...they are (more) independent, but the worries are greater and the stakes are higher when they make mistakes...and yes, they will make many, so don't be surprised or too disappointed. It is how they handle their mistakes that counts...just like it did/does for you.

I agree with this person. Each kid is different as to when they are more or less challenging. Sometimes they want to set their own calendars for jobs or driving and other responsibilities as minors and/ or when the are still relying at least partial parental support to do those things. Some want to go slower some what to go too fast . One of my kids went off to college this year and put driving on the backburner. His younger brother thinks he should be able to tell me when and where he can drive including when he should be able to make trips with my youngest in the car. This is while they are my cars, my insurance.

Concur with others that at 2-3 it gets a bit easier in the sense that they aren't trying to kill themselves in unique and creative ways.

We have a 4 and a 1 year old so I have seen both sides of it at the same time (no rose colored glasses). The issue with have two is that now the 4 year old is trying to kill the 1 year old when the 1 year old messes with his stuff.

We are now having a third in March. We may need divine intervention to keep them all alive along with the dog.

Agree with the guy who said it is nearly impossible to take a crap. I have to literally strap the 1 year old into his high chair in order to do that.

I read through each and every post on this thread with full attention.

Thanks all for sharing your experiences.

I now feel better about not having kids.

It's hard to say for certain whether it gets easier or you just adapt to the stress, but there are some points where the job changes materially:

- when they can speak

- when they stop wearing diapers (girls before boys here)

- when they start daycare/school and you get a break during the day

- when they can really read (somewhere in the 6-7 range)

- when they can walk themselves to school or to a friend's house (somewhere around 9 or 10)

- when they can intelligently discuss a story or movie and they make you laugh (somewhere around 12)

kermit green wrote:

I read through each and every post on this thread with full attention.

Thanks all for sharing your experiences.

I now feel better about not having kids.

Glad you admit this now. The world doesn't need more selfish parents.

When you move into a retirement home and your kids have to look after you lol

kermit green wrote:

I read through each and every post on this thread with full attention.

Thanks all for sharing your experiences.

I now feel better about not having kids.

I am guessing your parents didn’t want kids either.

"Wow after reading all these comments, I am glad I'm not having kids! It sounds hard!"

"Your parents didn't want you!!!!!!!11111"

I love it here

Never. I had kids and thought it was hard when they were 1- 5. Then it got worse in highschool when they started acting out. So my husband and I tried to be more strict for some of them and less for others.

In the end it all went to hell. The kids hate my husband because he was too tough, hate me because I was too protective/smothering. I just love them so much so I couldn't help it. Then our daughter got into drugs and partying, and now has an OnlyFans account and no job - and my sons are generally addicted to weed year round. I know weed isn't terrible but it seemed once they started they stopped visiting as much. I cry so much - but then I realize Ive always been crying this much because of my kids - or maybe it's just me and I project my issues on them?

Never gets easier. Good luck

The problem is you and your husband were well meaning but made common parenting mistakes of being authoritarian(your husband) and being overprotective (your parenting style). These two parenting types have good intentions but generally bad results. When combined like in your case, potentially even worse results. But dont beat yourself up over it. At least you tried, unlike a lot of parents who set their kids up to fail through bad parenting.

As my kid got older, I felt like parenting concerns shifted from thermodynamics toward sociology.

I know a lot more about thermodynamics, but I enjoyed being a parent more when he got a little older.

Bill Kardong Shorter wrote:

kermit green wrote:

I read through each and every post on this thread with full attention.

Thanks all for sharing your experiences.

I now feel better about not having kids.

I am guessing your parents didn’t want kids either.

Probably not.

They seemed constantly stressed about parenting all the time.

It puts this whole thread in perspective.

They were all individuals, so I had four different messages and four different approaches. Some common threads, when kids young, a) kept them fed reliably, so they needn’t cry out about that. They don’t eat drink much, but having them too low/high on either is problematic. Find happy medium on timing and volume and much fussiness gone from the little ones.; b) get them well exercised and played out before nap time, so they ask for it, rather than oppose. Tired kids nap willingly and long and give parents a rest break. Same with nighttime. Wear the kid out. Chase games, clean up entire rooms, walk outside together, etc. They like the extra activity time and you’ll like their response: zzz; c) starting about now, and definitely in the 12-24 month window, make all of the rules, considerately, but little children should live in an understandable cooperative world. It’s not their little role to tell you No!, but yours to tell them before hand what’s allowed/expected and what not. They can process yes and no, but it should be in their learning from you, not announcing to you, in some frustration, which is which. Kids need the comfort of the beneficial decision, not the anxiety of agitating for a better result. Unfortunately, most parents put that agitation burden on their kids and it’s my belief that’s why many parents think kids are difficult. Seemed easy to me, 4 different times, 4 different ways, same approach. They weren’t crying. I wasn’t yelling. They had four different sets of interests and the wide open little kid time to pursue them. Ate/drank/slept as needed, awoke with anticipation to return to favorite tasks. Family not at all rich, probably among poorest 10% in middle class neighborhood and public schools they attended. Kids did fairly well. Liked learning and behaved, so teachers welcomed them, so positive school experiences too.

pumpiron wrote:

To parents: what age were your kids when you felt like parenting was less hands-on all the time?

I have a 10-month old and it feels like we are barely keeping our heads above water.

Does it get easier?

Hang in there. You are still in the tunnel of survival mode. That hands on all the time stage really doesn’t last forever. I have 5 kids and the first year with my first was by far the hardest.

9-11. Not old enough for the nightmare of puberty, but old enough to doing much more for themselves and share more experiences with.

Billy Crystal once said something like...

"you know, she's at that age for girls...12-40" or something like that. (city slickers)

raised 4 kids, each was a joy, it was easy and rewarding.