How do you sub elites deal with lonliness

OP here, quite the opposite actually. Groups run too fast on “easy days” for me. I don’t want to run fast and ruin my workout day. I enjoy running and do it for myself (contrary to those who think I actually care what others think of my times 10 years from now) and have high goals still, I just sometimes get lonely (work is remote and no actual coworkers for friends and I’m in a new city post college and it’s been tough meeting people).

I agree with mr 2:14 who goes out and occasionally does drugs — this is my dream lifestyle it’s just sometimes I struggle with balance.

I guess most of what I miss is a close group of guys and girls all moving forward in life and training hard together like in college.

I really appreciate all the posts here though I have a lot to think about but it definitely made me feel better thank you everyone

It's tough being a lonely runner. Not many days I wake up enthusiast about life. I can't help but always think of this song on my darkest days:

https://youtu.be/d5ab8BOu4LE

i was all prepared to offer my 2 cents, but teading your most recent post has me confused.

So you miss the college kind of unity with your fellow runners, but you - a sub-elite- do not want to run with like minded groups because you don't want to. And they are too fast for your slow days.

Okay, scrap all that.

How about pick a pretty cool target races and travel with some buds - be it old time teammates or local runners - for a weekend to make an event of it? And mayabe spread that out a bit by doing a few workouts with them in preparation and meet them a couple of times socially to work out the details.

But really, I am just having a hard time getting my head around how a sub-elite can't find a running group to run similar pace, Or go a bit slower if you need to, it just may do you some good. Interval workouts are just great for this - with built in rest gaps to interact.

Another fav of some running group cohorts I know is to pick up a pilates class or spin class, or aeirobic class, as a bit of cross-training. You'd be a natural.

Honestly, it sounds like you want the sense of shared purpose that was like college. I say find a team.

Hope this helps.

There are no sub- elites. Only elites and non-elites.

I spent way to much time sacrificing life for running, thinking I'm a sub-elite, when in reality I was a non-elite all along and my chances to get there were slowly fading each year. I ran 4:48 mile being a 12 year old and that carried me all the way to a 4:10 in college. Now, that I have a family and a job, I mostly regret that I didn't enjoy my youth years as much as I could have because of running.

Running fast is hard, doesn't pay well and requires all your time and energy.

lonely sub elite wrote:

Sub elite here - I work and run. Pretty much no friends or SO. Do all my runs alone. How do you all handle the lonliness that comes with this lifestyle? It’s Halloween and I see everyone out but I have a long run tomorrow. Can’t find any dates or friends that live a similar life style as an adult. How do you all justify this life style and not feel lonely/sad?

Total BS. I was a 14:45-15:15, 5k guy and 2:25-:30 marathon guy for several years. I guess I was sub elite. I never had a problem getting laid or going out.

If this is real, maybe try to find some balance. Feel like sub-elites would be elites with different genes. If you're putting in all this hard training & run really fast but not fast enough to be a pro then you more/less know what your upper limits are. You can do well in big races & can still set ambitious goals BUT you should absolutely go to a Halloween party & not feel guilty about it.

I think it's real that sub-elites often train alone. Can't run with a pro group. Too fast for most clubs. Depending on your location, there should still be some training options available. I would look around & make sure you've exhausted your options unless you want to keep training solo. I would also consider reaching out to family/friends & make some non-running plans.

Hosford wrote:

I thought about this: you know what’s worse than being a 2:49 guy?

Being a 2:50 guy.

As long as your career isn't taking a big hit, keep pounding out those miles. You have the rest of your life to get married or to go bar hopping, but your time to set PRs is limited.

Friends? A club?

Also the term you are searching for is 'Hobby Jogger.' Another acceptable term is 'Non-elite.'

Dog Trainer Elite wrote:

The worst is being a former 2:21 guy with no social skills, few real friends, and a stalled work career that wakes up at age 35 and realizes that life and youth has passed him by.

Age happens. You will get slower as it happens. No one will care about your age graded ramblings and your tales of being a semifast 20 something as you become a pathetic Uncle Rico. Laugh it up now fast hobby joggers because time will turn you into an old slow hobby jogger just as sure as death and taxes. Nothing attracts success and women like a sun damaged underweight middle aged man with a rapidly receding hairline prattling on about his college track days and he almost got an OTQ.

That's rare for runners to have stalled work careers--most I know are Xers or Millennials pulling in 60k or more in Ohio.

Juice Springsteen wrote:

I used to get frustrated that no one in my social circles seemed to understand or enjoy running quite the way I would. Same goes for my other hobbies and interests. I don’t think it’s easy or reasonable to find people who exactly match your interest and lifestyle all the time. And you do need to put yourself out there to meet new people and give certain people a chance. Even if you just start by trying to schedule one non work or running related event per week.

This is true. I had two friends encourage me to join MIT and it was a blessing.

Agree on this.

Got laid off in CLE in 2014, moved to Cbus, met my now-fiancee in 2016, dated her, started doing halfs and fulls in 2017-2019, moved in with her in 2020, proposed, and we have a wedding on 6/24/22. While still running. She's been incredibly supportive of my running habit lol.

So you can still run and have a life!

LRC is usually a cesspool but it's worth it to find kind people and honest, serious advice on threads like these.

Bolded part is spot-on. I got that this year with the MIT group (marathoners in training). Felt like XC again.

lonely sub elite wrote:

Sub elite here - I work and run. Pretty much no friends or SO. Do all my runs alone. How do you all handle the lonliness that comes with this lifestyle? It’s Halloween and I see everyone out but I have a long run tomorrow. Can’t find any dates or friends that live a similar life style as an adult. How do you all justify this life style and not feel lonely/sad?

Yo dog, I'm sub-elite, probably not even that close to it. Have fun man, after that Friday workout, go to the bar and meet some people. Join a club team, or if you're living in the middle of no where, maybe move if you're not happy? Running is a great thing, but balance is more important. There are other ways to express yourself and enjoy yourself.

Sub sub elite here (2:31 thon, sad i know).

When you’re on a competitive local club team and have separate non-running party hard friends as well as a dating life and a demanding career, you get a great balance.

You never quite satisfy any group (other than your club team if you’re fast enough), but you work hard at doing every aspect of your life well and everyone respects your grind even if they don’t understand it. You might not be a superstar at anything, but you’re damn good at everything you do and always seeking excellence and striving to be better. Live your life.

i can relate. as someone who wants to train for triathlons, it's so time consuming and most of my training is done alone. i don't do much outside work besides train right now. maybe i should join a triathlon club to meet other like-minded individuals?

I used to be just like OP. Successful as a runner and even got a sponsorship (still had to work though, sold shoes in a running store). Then I got really injured for a really long time (2+ years) totally lost that part of myself. Was so lonely and depressed. Made myself do other things and got comfortable with giving running up if it really came to that. Eventually running came back around (I’m too old to be all that fast anymore), but now I had made a life outside of running and everything became so much better, including running. In hindsight living like a monk just to run fast because I thought that’s what I had to do was so lonely and miserable and didn’t make me one bit faster than I would have been if I’d have actually lived my life at the same time as running. Sometimes going “all in” is not as beneficial as you think.

Sorry, there’s no such thing as sub-elite, at least not as separate from age grouper hobby runners.