My Congregation,
I have returned from the void. Jesus kicked me out. He claimed the Willy Boys were going to win NESCAC's and I was like, "Yeah, but they're literally all SCRUBS. Have you seen Grumpy Boy's calf definition? That kid was ready to POP ONE OFF today." End of argument.
I return to the realm of the living and what do I see? The Willy Boys WON NESCAC's.
Is this a joke?
Timmy Tickles ripped off what was the MOST PRISTINE display of racing DOMINANCE I have ever seen. Grumpy Boy did indeed POP ONE OFF. King David? He's back. Some Bates middle schooler came in forth? That kid is most definitely SEMI-ELITE.
The Willy Boys looked like the Grand Armée retreating from Moscow: DEAD ON THE INSIDE. Their gaunt faces looked out in horror as the Wet Blankets forged ahead with 1 mile to go.
So I look at the results and see that runners outside of the top-5 count in the scoring. Um, SINCE WHEN has that been the case? Here are the correct results:
1. Tufts
2. Colby
3. Bates
4. Amherst
5-11. Everyone Else
Like I predicted, the Jumbo Boys CRUSHED NESCAC's. Timmy Tickles and his band look set to upset the Genny Boys and Peppermint Lads at Nationals. Williams? SCRUBS. Consigned to FAILURE.