My live in girlfriend of 7 years not invited to join family potrait

no difference wrote:

yourmomisright wrote:

If "We have lived together for seven years!" is true, then marry her already. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with her? She should have dumped you long ago. It's time to grow up.

I don't really see any meaningful difference between getting married, and simply agreeing to spend your lives together. With no fault divorce, marriage can barely even be considered a contract anymore. "I do" is only very marginally more binding than "let's live together."

You may not see a difference but his mother definitely does (and so do many others) and that creates the issue here.

I'm curious to see how this one turns out.

And did the OP say he wants to spend his life with his girlfriend? I assume when you say " agreeing to spend your lives together" you meant in the future. That probably is causing the problem with his mother. HIs mother sees no commitment for the future and considers that the key to being part of the family. If the OP says to her I "plan to spend my life with her" that might placate his mother but then she might say "why not get married?" If he goes to her and says "mom- I consider my girlfriend to be family, I want her in the picture." she may agree. He can always say, "I won't be in the picture without her." The OP gets to decide if he's in the picture. He doesn't get to decide if his GF is in the picture.

The OP wants the happy solution where his mom's definition of family is the same as his and it's not going to happen. There may be a way for his GF to get in the photo.

part right wrote:

krispy kremlin_. wrote:

Mom is paying for the portrait, so she gets to decide who's in and who's out.

No. Paying means that she can decide who is out. She cannot decide who is in. Paying for something does not mean that you can compel people to be a part of it. OP is free to not be a part of it.

In this case, "in" is intended to imply "invited."

so whats a family wrote:

My mom decided to have a formal family portrait done. We have not had one in about 15 years. She plans to include my siblings and their significant others (one sibling with a spouse and one who is engaged) but doesn't want my live in girlfriend included. I'm annoyed because my girlfriend is family even though we are not married. We have lived together for seven years!

My mom says she would be included if we were engaged. I'm thinking of calling mom back and telling her I'm not going if my girlfriend is not included.

I'm sure my dad doesn't care, but my mom is an idiot.

Whew! Seven years, huh? Why does your mom think your relationship is transitory? Because it is?

Don't forget to stomp your feet when you tell Mom you're not going.

Better yet, apologize to your mother for being immature and feckless. You could become a man, do the right thing with this girl and your mother would begin to respect you. If you can't do that, at least do your girlfriend a favor and tell her to move out and to look for a man. Then she can have a chance at finding a spouse who will help her raise her children.

The Effete Elite wrote:

I'm sure my dad doesn't care, but my mom is an idiot.

Whew! Seven years, huh? Why does your mom think your relationship is transitory? Because it is?

Don't forget to stomp your feet when you tell Mom you're not going.

Better yet, apologize to your mother for being immature and feckless. You could become a man, do the right thing with this girl and your mother would begin to respect you. If you can't do that, at least do your girlfriend a favor and tell her to move out and to look for a man. Then she can have a chance at finding a spouse who will help her raise her children.[/quote]

He's not a man because he will not sign a paper that legally binds himself to another person?

What?

As this is to be a "formal" portrait, it's understandable that your mother would not want a whore to be in it.

Sally Vixxxxx wrote:

As this is to be a "formal" portrait, it's understandable that your mother would not want a whore to be in it.

Right, that's why you weren't invited.

That's Great! Keep us updated!

Why does everyone jump to the conclusion that this guy is somehow holding out on getting married. Maybe his girlfriend doesn't want to be married to this idiot. From his post it sounds like this guy has all of the maturity of a middle schooler.

Pics? (of just your girlfriend)

Gay people want piece of paper !

Sally Vixxxxx wrote:

As this is to be a "formal" portrait, it's understandable that your mother would not want a whore to be in it.

That's just rotten. Couldn't stop laughing,thanks.

Its been 7 years and you haven't proposed. Maybe she doesn't think you ever will

Just show up anyway. What's she going to do then?

I thought this would be the end of the thread. I had it out with my mother. I told her my girlfriend and I love each very much and to be honest we hate the wedding ceremony nonsense crap and the expense but someday maybe we will get married.

I told my mom that my girlfriend is my family and if she is excluded I would not be in the portrait. My mom tried to guilt me to be in it by saying it was going to be a Christmas gift for grandma but I didn't give in.

My mom did. My mom said she wants me in the portrait so my girlfriend can be it in too.

Now here's the kicker. Now my girlfriend doesn't want to be in it because she feels she is not wanted. I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

waitwuit wrote:

[quote]

He's not a man because he will not sign a paper that legally binds himself to another person?

What?

Yes, that's one reason. His mother may have come from the long ago, distant mists of time - 5 or 10 or 20 years ago - when the concept of marriage had not yet been completely trampled into meaninglessness first by a culture devoid of seriousness and then by 5 lawyers from Harvard and Yale.

Another reason he's not a man is he called his mother "an idiot." Let me repeat, because even the most base, low-life guys I grew up with would fight if their mother was disparaged in any way - he called her an idiot. That is his own mother he is trashing on a message board to strangers. This petulant boy called his mother an idiot.

If this poor, foolish girl is unlucky enough to waste even more than the 7 years she's already thrown away, he will be calling her an idiot as well. He may do that already. Women reading this (hypothetically, I know this is LetsRun) can usually tell how a man will eventually treat them by how they treat their mothers.

This has become a culture of self absorbed, pampered perpetual little boys and girls.

If you want her in the family why don't you stand before God and take the vows? Your mom is right. Just for her to condone your seven years of indiscretion would be very gracious.

Larry83 wrote:

If you want her in the family why don't you stand before God and take the vows? Your mom is right. Just for her to condone your seven years of indiscretion would be very gracious.

Because it is impossible to "stand before" a fictional character.

Good for her, and good for you.

My wife of 25 years did not sit for my parents' heroic family portrait because she can't stand them. When I first introduced her to them, the first thing my mother did was ask me all about all the other girls who had been calling me.

They get along well enough, but this was just too much for my wife. Fair enough. I sat, and didn't even try to explain her absence, I just told them to ask her, that she had the right to make up her own mind, and that I did not consider it an affront to myself, or an undeserved affront to my mother in particular.

And now, 5 years later, everything's the same as it ever was.

Stand by your wife, and her decision. Feelings, and treatment, matter. Parents are not immune from being a-holes. There need to be consequences for actions. The only reason my wife was invited in the first place was to have more people in the photo, thereby rendering it more heroic. What a joke.

And, it cost me thousands in travel and time off, to make a visit home, as programmed by my moronic sister.

Good for your wife. She should make her decision, and you should make yours, and you should understand each other. There's enough bullshxt in this world, make sure there is none between the two of you.

I should also mention that my wife and I had a private wedding, with no "family" in attendance. I only told them about it years later, when they may have asked at some point. As far as we were concerned, it was none of their business.

One has to win one's independence, and often has to fight to maintain it.