My boyfriend cheated...should I forgive him? Looking for an update from "hearbroken" from 17 yrs ago.

i read this - John Lydon, McGill University

I forgot to post that at the end. I added - this can't be healthy.

Which lips did he kiss her on?????

Okay, so according to Flagploe Willy, my boyfriend cheated because he was just to horny and couldn't control himself. Not because his emotional needs are not met in our relationship. Like I said in my previous post, our sex life is beyond good. We have an amazing time in the bedroom, so I am not sure why he would cheat for sexual reasons. Is there no amount of pleasure that you can give a man to keep him from straying. What is a girl to do? Are all men just dogs? They just can't control themselves when they are put in certain situations? It truly makes me never want a serious relationship again.

Umm, if you are reasonably attractive, and would like to be totally mature about this by simply GETTIN BACK AT THE LOUSE...then I'd be delighted to help you out by cheating with you.

Seriously, you are this PO'd cos he kissed someone? You're lucky that you never found out that as their lips met, she crossed her legs and broke his glasses.

Just don't give him any for a few weeks, that'll teach him a lesson. No, he was drunk and admitted it right away so its not worth breaking up over. If he did it solber then you'd have something to worry about. Alcohol is meant to make people act stupid... just don't let him drink without you around from now on. I once had a girlfriend cheat on me when she was drunk... only she had unprotected sex and sucked the guy off and didn't tell me about it. She fessed up after i found out from someone else and shoved her against the wall. I broke up with that wench. This guy doesn't sound anything like that so don't be dumb... just don't give up the goods for awhile.

Heartbroken, please don't listen to Flagpole Willy generalizations. This guy also thinks it's wrong for your boyfriend to tell you. Wouldn't you rather hear from your boyfriend than someone else?

I'll assume you're young and in love. That's a great place to be. This is a learning experience and it hurts but this still might be the guy. You two don't have children, a mortgage, or, a totally commited life. Maybe someday you will? People mess up and forgiveness is a gift. You don't want to become a pushover but it sounds to me like your boyfriend would treasure this gift.

You can always break up later if it doesn't feel right.

Maybe she was just really hot and he wanted to kiss her. I think you are over-analyzing.

Sometimes people don't know how good they have it until they mess up and either almost lose or do lose their significant other.

You sound like your a young woman, probably mid twenties but I am going to guess 26 for kicks. You must be a runner of some sorts to post on this message board. I think that seeking for advice her might not be the best of ideas, at least on this subject. Follow your heart and just think if you want to be with this person down the road. If you really cannot see yourself with this person down the road than it is not worth the trouble now. Why waste your time? If this guy is that great of a guy to you than give him a break and let him back in. Situations like this really make you look at the character of the other. If the only thing you are worried about is being jealous down the road, that will go away if the guy is an honest and caring guy. Girls have good intuition and can usually sniff out bullshit in guys, they usually just choose to ingore it though.

It is a nice thought to think that no one would ever slip up in this world but sometimes you have to make a mistake to learn from it. Lots of people might get these mistakes out of their way early in life and others later. Me says if this guy is as good as you say he is and things were that great that he would never make that mistake again. By not putting yourself in those situations is the key. Someone mentioned earlier about toning down his alcohol intake. If he is a big drinker this might not be feasible but if he is a rare drinker, it probably won't be a stretch by any means for him to give it up when he is away from you.

Very long winded, sorry. Got a lot of time on my hands today.

heartbroken wrote:

Okay, so according to Flagploe Willy, my boyfriend cheated because he was just to horny and couldn't control himself. Not because his emotional needs are not met in our relationship. Like I said in my previous post, our sex life is beyond good.

Well, that's what the study says, but I agree with it. It takes a man of GREAT moral fiber to turn down sex.

Some quotes for you (paraphrased, but you get the idea):

Chris Rock - "Men have sex with other women. Yes, your man too. When the opportunity presents itself, we take it. Women don't understand that because they've been offered sex every day since thehy were 13. It isn't that way for men. We're offered, we take it."

Bill Clinton - "I had the affair with Monica because I had the opportunity."

To answer your questions, NO, there is no amount of sexual activity you can give your 20-something UNMARRIED boyfriend that will keep him from straying. No, the great majority of men cannon control themselves in certain situations. When sex is offered, they will go for it. I'm sure there are guys out there listening to this talking under their breath "Shut up Flagpole Willy, you're letting the secret out."

Married people actually cheat LESS than unmarried couples, and we already know that 59% of married men cheat and 53% of married women cheat.

Bottom line is that you can never be sure you have found a man who doesn't cheat. If you ever do get married, just decide that you will love your man in good times and in bad, and if something like an affair rears it's head, find some way to work though it if you can, and I understand if you decide you can't.

Personally I would NEVER cheat on my wife, and I've been in a couple of situations where I easily could have but didn't, so I know I would never do it. For me, I use my sense of right and wrong, my love for the lovely Mrs. Flagpole Willy and my faith in God as my guiding forces there, so for me I know it will never happen. For most men though, affairs do happen.

I wonder - you got this upset over a kiss that he quickly confessed to. What would you have done if he slept with her? Hopefully at a minimum make him wait 3 months with no sex and then have him get some STD tests, including one for HIV.

Chop his dick off and chuck it out your car window.

for once, i agree w/ flagpole willy...

1. its just a damn kiss! are you 15 again and dating your first person?

2. he shouldnt have told if its just a kiss. that shows hes as immature as you are about relationships. if it was truly just a kiss, he shouldve kept it to himself and not done it again. id be concerned that he did more and just confessed to the tip of the iceburg if i was you...

3. youre not married, quit making such a big deal out of a kiss if thats truly just what it was. being drunk DOES affect judgement as well, both in males and females.

4. all men arent dogs, and in fact id say i trust men more than women. ive known more female cheaters than male cheaters, and the females ive known, both as my own experiences and my friends/acquantainces, will NEVER admit to it even when a guy knows and confronts them. of course theres always exceptions, but i still trust guys more than girls.

5. go for a run, go to dinner together, and go have a good time in the bedroom. it aint a big deal!

You're right. Don't ever get in a serious relationship again. Just pull one-nighters with guys you meet at bars.

ask yourself if he would forgive you as readily as he asks for your forgiveness in the same situation.

He's lying...he did a lot more than kiss her. This is the oldest trick in the book.

He is definitely a Catholic..I know, because I've used the same trick...all he needs is your forgiveness, regardless of what really happened.

Put it this way, if all he really did was just "kiss" her, would he even bother to fess up to you?

Dump his ass and go have fun...let him see you with another guy, laughing it up and having a blast...now that's forgiveness (in the way of revenge).

This is perhaps the dumbest threat ever on Letsrun. Take your crying somewhere else you stupid biatch. I hear the Gilmore Girls chat room is full of good information for girls like you.

I'm a girl and I think that you're a troll. Or that you're too young to be dating. If you're just in it to have fun, guess what sweetie, so is he, so don't be upset when his idea of fun isn't you. If you're in a very serious, committed relationship, then you have a problem with your boyfriend, but a bigger problem that you're asking a messageboard for help with your relationships.

You should forgive him.

If it had been a sober kiss - dump him. He knows what he's doing.

If it had been drunken sex or oral sex - dump him. How could he be so reckless.

If it happens again - dump him. If it happens once, could be a mistake. More than that is a pattern.

I've kissed a girl before while drunk. We were dancing and trashed. We kissed. I quickly realized what had happened, left the club I was at, and immediately went and confessed. I felt like an asshole for months. Hell, I still feel like an asshole for doing that, and we're not even together any more.

Sometimes it truly is just a drunken mistake.

I've seen Flagpole's wife. He'd cheat any time he could have a chance.

But, then again, I've seen Flagpole. He won't have any chances.

Some info regarding alcohol.

A recent study showed that college students (who were told they were in a study on alcohol on the system) when given non-alcoholic beer, after a couple hours of drinking it began acting silly, rude, flirtatious, (one guy pulled his pants down) and had trouble standing up, and their speech was slurred. They were asked to give handwritting samples after each "beer", and their handwriting got noticeably worse. When the test was over, they were told what had happened, and the students just felt like fools and walked out.

Point of the story - college students are dumbasses.

Ah, just kidding. Point is that sometimes when we drink, we allow ourselves to act a certain way intending to blame it on the alcohol. No doubt that alcohol can affect judgement, but we have a HUGE say in that, even if we are drunk. I've been drunk more than a few times in my life, and I was ALWAYS in control of my actions (well, except for the vomiting).