Yeah, we did smoke some pot. But we worked hard and paid for it with our own money. Then we stopped smoking and worked hard for another 30-40 years.
Yeah, we did smoke some pot. But we worked hard and paid for it with our own money. Then we stopped smoking and worked hard for another 30-40 years.
truth from your dad wrote:
Yeah, we did smoke some pot. But we worked hard and paid for it with our own money. Then we stopped smoking and worked hard for another 30-40 years.
You probably paid for it with food stamps traded for cash on the black market. Or with money from your parents, who saved America from the depression and Hitler and then were rewarded with ungrateful, selfish pieces of crap like yourself.
Folks my age (late 20s now, so I suppose part of the "entitlement generation") get along better with our grandparents. You know why? Because we have a common enemy.
Critical Thinking wrote:
Folks my age (late 20s now, so I suppose part of the "entitlement generation") get along better with our grandparents. You know why?
It's because both of you sit on your fat asses and receive government money. Your grandparents have deserved it though. But not you and your lazy friends.
truth from your dad wrote:
Critical Thinking wrote:Folks my age (late 20s now, so I suppose part of the "entitlement generation") get along better with our grandparents. You know why?
It's because both of you sit on your fat asses and receive government money. Your grandparents have deserved it though. But not you and your lazy friends.
That would be great. Too bad the government is broke because of you.
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OK boys and girls I think you need a Conundrum reality check.
(1) Its good that you are not happy with the relationship with your dads. That could be motivation to improve.
(2) Its a relationship meaning...two people create the type of relationship. So if its bad its not just your dad. Has anyone called their disinterested dad and just asked him out to dinner. Just the two of you? Have you showed an interest in him and shown him respect. (Yes I know you think he should do that, and he should, but he didn't, so why don't you?)
(3) Its harder for divorced dad's to connected with kids. Many men as they age don't have the social abilities that the mom's have. Judging him negatively doesn't help.
(4) Yes your dad is flawed. He could be depressed, he could be comfortable, he could be avoidant of a stressful situation but what have you done that would help.
(5) Relationships do change for the better sometimes. If you want it it can happen.
Serious question: Do you really want to change it??
C
My dad died suddenly when I was in my early 20s. He doesn't call or write.
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From the descriptions of many of the fathers here, it appears they have depression. This can get more acute as you age. A classic symptom is lack of interest and interaction with people. Introversion is likely to occur.
Understand that the lack of a meaningful relationship may have nothing to do with you.
This thread is refreshingly candid, and I am engaged by the experiences shared so far. Thanks for starting it OP. Some of the most honest posts I've read on LRC in a long, long time.
(5) Relationships do change for the better sometimes. If you want it it can happen. Serious question: Do you really want to change it?? I'm guessing 90% of those writing with complaints really don't really want to change the relationship.
Conundrum wrote:
OK boys and girls I think you need a Conundrum reality check.
(1) Its good that you are not happy with the relationship with your dads. That could be motivation to improve.
(2) Its a relationship meaning...two people create the type of relationship. So if its bad its not just your dad. Has anyone called their disinterested dad and just asked him out to dinner. Just the two of you? Have you showed an interest in him and shown him respect. (Yes I know you think he should do that, and he should, but he didn't, so why don't you?)
(3) Its harder for divorced dad's to connected with kids. Many men as they age don't have the social abilities that the mom's have. Judging him negatively doesn't help.
(4) Yes your dad is flawed. He could be depressed, he could be comfortable, he could be avoidant of a stressful situation but what have you done that would help.
(5) Relationships do change for the better sometimes. If you want it it can happen.
Serious question: Do you really want to change it??
C
My daddy issues wrote:
C'mon guys. Your all wining because your dad doesn't call you? He doesn't buy a plane ticket, take vacation from work, dumping thousands into visiting a son who MOVED AWAY FROM HIM?
Listen. My dad and I are very close. He has NEVER called me to "chat". We aren't chicks nor dating. No need to call and gossip.
Don't expect your father to waste all his vacation and money visiting you when you are the one who moved thousands of miles away. Don't you think that you abandoning him by that move may have hurt his feelings? It's not all about you. Maybe he doesn't talk to you because he is dissapointed in his winey son who's emotion and feelings get hurt like a girl.
Just a thought.
The way I see it is you make the relationship good with your parents. Don't expect them too.
Ya know, your reduction of man's emotion to being feminine does not help any male deal with relationships and emotions. Just telling a person to "man up and be tough" does absolutely nothing to help a male develop into a strong person. Having an understanding of how one feels and dealing with those emotions without turning into a wreck is part of being a strong man
I can see the armor put up by even the manliest men that appear impermeable on the outside. Inside, they need friendship, companionship, and love just like the rest of us. Why is it a bad things that I care about having a relationship with the man brought me into this world?
By the way, I do not expect much. I hate small talk, which my mother insists upon weekly. I am thrilled that my dad cared enough to provide well for our family. I just would think a man in his 60's would have a decent enough social skills to put some effort into connecting with his family members.
And when you try to make the relationship good, but you get nothing in return? How does that feel?
The Other End wrote:
How about a good and decent dad whose son doesn't want anything to do with him? Having a mom who turned him against me during the divorce ended up with her destroying a close relationship with my son. She ended up telling him lies to move him further away in distance, bribed him with gifts to make him say things in court to end visitation etc.
And now I am stuck in a situation where he cant see the truth. During all this I remained completely neutral since I didn't think it was right to put him in the middle of it.
Even when he was entering high school and I told her Id like him living with me so help him make it thru, she refused. Even when I told her I didn't want a penny to help me with anything. Well, he ended up barely passing high sch., dropping out of a 2 yr college and now lives check to check. We barely talk and each time its because I make the first attempt. I gave him a lot of money to buy his first car and hes never once come to visit me (lives an hr away).
I'm not so much bitter as sad....
Having a strong, supportive, decent elder male influence does wonders for a kid's development.
The dad side of the relationship is something I am interested in hearing about as well. Just do not want to hear stories from whiny kids like me.
My daddy issues wrote:
Don't you think that you abandoning him by that move may have hurt his feelings? It's not all about you.
so you're saying that people are morally obligated to live close to their parents, in adulthood?
Conundrum wrote:
Another guy wrote:My dad died suddenly when I was in my early 20s. He doesn't call or write.
Well have you written or tried to call him? I thought not.
(Sorry, I couldn't resist a smart alerk response)
No I haven't. But have written about him. We have no hard feelings. In fact I still miss him. I'm sure for letsrun it's bad to let you guard down and actually say something honest.
Another guy wrote:
Conundrum wrote:Well have you written or tried to call him? I thought not.
(Sorry, I couldn't resist a smart alerk response)
No I haven't. But have written about him. We have no hard feelings. In fact I still miss him. I'm sure for letsrun it's bad to let you guard down and actually say something honest.
In the context of this thread about unresponsive dads I thought your post was purposely tongue-in-cheek. I thought I was responding in kind. Sorry, no disrespect meant.
I've lost both parents too. Its not easy.
It sucks that some of you have bad relationships with your dad. I'm female, and my dad was my best friend. Unfortunately he died 2 years ago and I miss him every day. You might not be able to change your fathers and your relationships with them, but you can make sure you have a better relationship with your kids when you have them, at least.
I thought it was me!! My Dad has never hugged me and if I try to hug him his arms stay at his side and you can tell he hates it. He has never shown any interest in my life and I have tried for years to get him to engage with me. I have now got to the point of not bothering with him. It was stressing me out going round there and having no conversation at all just watching TV or playing scrabble.. I love scrabble but he wouldn't talk to me then. I have resigned myself to the fact that we have not got a relationship and never had one.
Your dad hates scrabble always has. He's spent years wishing you'd suggest playing something else.
My daddy issues wrote:
C'mon guys. Your all wining because your dad doesn't call you? He doesn't buy a plane ticket, take vacation from work, dumping thousands into visiting a son who MOVED AWAY FROM HIM?
Listen. My dad and I are very close. He has NEVER called me to "chat". We aren't chicks nor dating. No need to call and gossip.
Don't expect your father to waste all his vacation and money visiting you when you are the one who moved thousands of miles away. Don't you think that you abandoning him by that move may have hurt his feelings? It's not all about you. Maybe he doesn't talk to you because he is dissapointed in his winey son who's emotion and feelings get hurt like a girl.
Just a thought.
The way I see it is you make the relationship good with your parents. Don't expect them too.
I always see these outlandish strawmans on these types of threads where people share their real life struggles and I'm beginning to wonder if it's an A grade troll