What is the funniest joke ever?

Magic tractor...

Turned into a field!

What did the Spanish fireman name his twin boys?

José and Jos-B.

Held back in 4th grade wrote:

What did the Spanish fireman name his twin boys?

José and Jos-B.

This is one of my Dad's favorite jokes!

An unfortunately dim child comes home from school one day very excited. "Mommy, mommy!! The teacher asked a question today and I was the only one who could answer it!"

Mom beams in response. "That's wonderful son! I'm very proud of you! What was the question?"

Kids replies "Who farted?".

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

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Two hydrogen atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?"

"No, I lost an electron!" the second atom answered.

"Are you sure?" the first atom asked.

The second atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"

The Pope is resigning on February 28th becuase he has the Bird Flu...he caught it from a Cardinal.

Held back in 4th grade wrote:

What did the Spanish fireman name his twin boys?

José and Jos-B.

What do you call a Spanish soccer player with no legs?

Gracias.

Eric Idle wrote:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gpjk_MaCGM

Great skit.

Where does Cher go every December?

Christmas Shooping

elmore345 wrote:

I agree, the longer the better...

That's what she said!

could not make this up. i get to the office this morning and a salesman calls selling promotional products. before i have a chance to get rid of him hes like, i just want to tell one joke then i will leave you alone, im like ok....

what does the banana say to the vibrator?

i dont know.

why are you shaking? im the one who is going to be eaten.

Not exactly a joke, but an amusing anecdote. So at work one day, my boss emails me, meaning to write, "Consider This, can you come by my office later? I have some things I would like to discuss with you." and instead writes, "Consider This, can you come by my office later? I have some thongs I would like to discuss with you."

Is that a new one?

World Class Hobby Jogger wrote:What is the funniest joke ever?

LRC

Irish guy walks alone into a pub, sits at the bar, and orders three pints of Guiness. Bartender looks at him sideways, and pours. He finishes the three, and orders three more. The bartender cannot contain his curiousity and asks, "why are you drinking three pints at a time?"

The Irish guy replies, "I have a brother in London and another in New York. I pretend that they are here with me."

One day, the Irish guy walks in and orders two pints. The bartender, sensing something is wrong, pours two pints and says, "these two are on the house, I'm sorry for your loss."

The Irish guy looks at the bartender sideways and says, "what do you mean? I gave up alcohol for Lent."

Why does the name Edward Woodward have so many d's in it?

Because Ewar Woowar just sounds silly!

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank, proving once and for all, that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

There was a man who entered a local newspaper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping that at least one of the ten puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

The official world's funniest joke:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

The official world's second funniest joke:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

The funniest joke in Britain:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

The funniest joke written by a computer:

"What kind of murderer has moral fiber?" — "A cereal killer."

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he says, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam again. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replies, "It's very simple. You're two tents."