My fiance wants to put up a Facebook post about her dead husband who died 3 years ago and they were separated at the time

should l be mad wrote:

rojo wrote:

1) You don't get to control what she posts on her facebook.

2) It's her dead husband. Let's assume they weren't separated, I'd hope you'd have zero problem with it. So why do you care now? Maybe now that he's gone, she remembers his positives more than his negatives.

3) I'll agree I get why you think she's not that into you.

The fact you are posting this on an anonymous forum tells me you guys need to break up. You aren't secure in the relationship. Why in the hell are you worried about a dead guy?

I wanted an anonymous opinion. So you're cool with your fiance posting whatever they want on their Facebook right? So if she were to post theoretically, "I miss the best man I ever had". That would be ok? Not that she would do that! I mean I have no problems that she has about 50 photos around the house of him or old photos on her Facebook. But posting on the anniversary of his death??

fisky wrote:

I knew a couple in a similar situation. The military husband died, the wife moved on and moved in with her new partner, but she didn't marry her new partner because she (and her new partner) would have lost thousands of dollars in military survivor benefit payments.

You need some perspective here. You're coming across as petty and insecure. Let me explain.

She loved him or she wouldn't have married him. Surely they had SOME good memories together. His parents are her in laws and they will remain her in laws until you marry her. It's okay for her to call them her in laws.

In those three years since he died, she has probably received in the neighborhood of $100,000 in survivor benefits and, I think, access to free military healthcare and commissary/base exchange priveleges. She is still receiving those benefits now. That's probably more financial support than you have provided over those three years.

She loves you now and she's with you now. She just wants to put up an In Memoriam facebook page/post to recognize their time together. You should just say, "Sure. It sounds like a nice thing to do." and move on.

You're letting a ghost interfere with your relationship. Let her have this moment and move on.

EDITED TO ADD: Oh, by the way, you know that once you marry her, those military survivor benefits will stop, right?

should l be mad wrote:

For starters they were separated for 3 years before he died and he died 3 years ago tomorrow. They haven't been together since the Summer of 2017. She asked me would it be ok to post something on Facebook since he died 3 years ago. A little back story she gets a lot of money each month in benefits because he was in the military, but she had no problem kicking him out 3 years before he died. The never got officially divorced, but she had to call the police on him a few times. She told me without the extra money she would be screwed. Should l be offended that she wants to put up a Facebook post with her and him tomorrow to honor the three years he's been dead ?. I mean we are in a relationship. She still refers to his parents as her in-laws too. Should l say something? They were married for 6 years. ...

Never been married. She actually told me 2 months ago that I look good, but when she first met her husband he was more handsome than me although he let himself go later. She actually had him as her Facebook cover photo on Facebook until she met me. "I mean the guy has been dead 3 years and you weren't even together when he died". This is what I tell her. ...

I wanted an anonymous opinion. So you're cool with your fiance posting whatever they want on their Facebook right? So if she were to post theoretically, "I miss the best man I ever had". That would be ok? Not that she would do that! I mean I have no problems that she has about 50 photos around the house of him or old photos on her Facebook. But posting on the anniversary of his death?? ...

Bingo!! You are the winner! She told me we will never actually get married because of exactly what you said. She said unless I can guarantee her the same as the benefits she's losing. We will live together only. I said l am not down with it. She also told me the post about her dead husband was for her in-laws to show them on Facebook. They don't even like her that much they've never called but once sent out since I've been with her. ...

Yes! Tons of photos right before we met but he had been dead for 2 years. She also has a shrine to him in her house. Pictures all over the walls too. Secondly she insisted that I delete all pictures of any ex's on my Facebook as well and delete anyone that I was with before her on Facebook too. Lastly on a separate topic she was talking to a man while she was separated from her husband in another country who is married himself, and happily married and went out and had an affair with him. Every time I bring any of this up to her that none of this makes any sense she said she has a headache and doesn't want to talk at all.