not sure if this is a troll post of not but 1.5 years is quite the dry streak
figure out an ideal number of times you would like to have sex per week/month/year and communicate that with your partner
I am sure there are plenty of people in happy sexless marriages but I would say most men would not be satisfied if they have to resort to beating their meat every night
as for your confidence I recommend working on yourself - eating well, taking care of your body through grooming and exercise, sleeping 8 hours a day. If you look and smell like trash your wife probably isn't fantasizing about you
but realistically it has been a year and a half, I know it is not what you want to hear but it is time to call it quits and get your rocks off with someone who wants you
If it's been a year and a half then the ship has sailed my friend. It's well past time to move on. Get an attorney and get your financial affairs in order, then be the one to serve her papers. Be thankful you don't have children with this woman. At the same time as this start working on yourself - physically, professionally, and taking time for your own mental health/sanity. I worried suggest not starting a relationship with another woman until you've officially departed your current marriage. Best of luck.
This is why massage parlors exist. Having an a affair with one other woman can be messy and ugly, even a one night stand can have loose ends. Massage parlors are pretty much universally condoned as a quick, relatively cheap no strings attached and can offer the feeling of uniqueness on a regular basis. This is why the law pretty much turns a blind eye as cops, judges etc are doing the same thing. SO shouldn't be upset as there is no emotional connection.
skirocket91 wrote: I’m never one to pressure her into anything.
Assuming this isn’t a troll…let me ask a difficult question. Why aren’t you pressuring her? I mean, you need sex right? Part of marriage is that you both agree to have sex only with one another. She is clearly falling down on her end for some reason. I don’t mean you need to be unpleasant. But it needs to be a topic of frank discussion with her. You need to make it clear that this needs to be resolved.
Let me bring up an even more difficult topic. You need to address whether she is attracted to you. You need to make appropriate changes to yourself to become more attractive to her. Confidence, looks, dress, the way you carry yourself, leadership…take a ruthlessly critical look at yourself and ask in what ways you are less attractive to a woman.
We have discussed it. Not to the point of therapy but she always says “I’ll try to do better” and then it’s never brought up again. I’m never one to pressure her into anything. The relationship is great outside of this glaring issue
Changing the perspective on this - she gets all the sex that SHE wants. Seems rather selfish doesn't it?
Get a therapist.
I don't think forcing women to have sex when they don't want to please their husband is a great option. Women have much less testosterone than men, generally they don't want as much sex. Some do but unless you find one of those, if you let your sex drive rule your life it generally means a life of casual sex. But forced sex just to keep a husband is awful. I honestly don't understand why women are still marrying men when there are attitudes like this around. Given that these men generally marry women who don't earn their own money or enough to support themselves, I suppose thats what makes them feel entitled to sex. There are all sorts of things that can happen during a marriage, including ill health and disability. But overall - you chose her, for a whole list of reasons you haven't put on here and you were aware of the sex issue before you got married. I think its unreasonable to expect your wife to change. Are you asking for permission to cheat? I don't think many women would put up with that. Maybe you need to grow up and appreciate your life as it is before you end up paying maintenance and sleeping in a condo using Tinder.
Changing the perspective on this - she gets all the sex that SHE wants. Seems rather selfish doesn't it?
Get a therapist.
Maybe you need to grow up and appreciate your life as it is before you end up paying maintenance and sleeping in a condo using Tinder.
I thought your post was good up until this point. OP has made a notable mistake in assuming the sex would pick up post-marriage, but it's not just that it's declined, it's that it's stopped altogether.
Suggesting that he 'grow up and appreciate your life' when a basic need isn't being fulfilled is patently absurd.
OP. You don't have children and there's a fundamental incompatibility here. You need to talk to your wife and see if you can get things going again. Failing that, I'm not 100% sure what to suggest. Leaving the marriage is no small undertaking. You really need to figure out if your marriage is otherwise good, and - if not - whether that's a result of the lack of sex.
It's WILD how common this occurrence is amongst my friends who have been in relationships 5+ years. Especially post-marriage, many women just seem to completely lose interest in having sex, which shines a completely different light on the morality of men cheating (physically) as a pragmatic way to handle the imbalance of physical interest; the implications are fascinating.
I don't think dumping your other half for sex alone is a sensible move, odds are you'd find the next issue with your next girlfriend / spouse.
Maybe you need to grow up and appreciate your life as it is before you end up paying maintenance and sleeping in a condo using Tinder.
I thought your post was good up until this point. OP has made a notable mistake in assuming the sex would pick up post-marriage, but it's not just that it's declined, it's that it's stopped altogether.
Suggesting that he 'grow up and appreciate your life' when a basic need isn't being fulfilled is patently absurd.
OP. You don't have children and there's a fundamental incompatibility here. You need to talk to your wife and see if you can get things going again. Failing that, I'm not 100% sure what to suggest. Leaving the marriage is no small undertaking. You really need to figure out if your marriage is otherwise good, and - if not - whether that's a result of the lack of sex.
It's WILD how common this occurrence is amongst my friends who have been in relationships 5+ years. Especially post-marriage, many women just seem to completely lose interest in having sex, which shines a completely different light on the morality of men cheating (physically) as a pragmatic way to handle the imbalance of physical interest; the implications are fascinating.
I don't think dumping your other half for sex alone is a sensible move, odds are you'd find the next issue with your next girlfriend / spouse.
With all due respect, its not "absurd". Given the OP can do what he likes, but it is clear that if he chooses to prioritise sex in his life above his marriage, stability, career, hobbies, etc then he will end up with a life in which sex is the driver behind his important life decisions and how his life plays out. Thats something you might expect a juvenile to do, not a mature adult. That might work financially for him if he is very wealthy already but otherwise it does seem a route to financial insecurity. But if thats the OP's choice, then he will not be alone in making that choice.
Some men of course marry a woman they think might put up with cheating and then find out thats a quick way to the divorce courts. Others cheat and manage to keep it secret, but I would ask you what sort of women they are getting involved with and what health risks they are taking (some stds can be passed on through any form of oral contact including kissing eg genital herpes). Sleaziness is rarely a road worth travelling.
I thought your post was good up until this point. OP has made a notable mistake in assuming the sex would pick up post-marriage, but it's not just that it's declined, it's that it's stopped altogether.
Suggesting that he 'grow up and appreciate your life' when a basic need isn't being fulfilled is patently absurd.
OP. You don't have children and there's a fundamental incompatibility here. You need to talk to your wife and see if you can get things going again. Failing that, I'm not 100% sure what to suggest. Leaving the marriage is no small undertaking. You really need to figure out if your marriage is otherwise good, and - if not - whether that's a result of the lack of sex.
It's WILD how common this occurrence is amongst my friends who have been in relationships 5+ years. Especially post-marriage, many women just seem to completely lose interest in having sex, which shines a completely different light on the morality of men cheating (physically) as a pragmatic way to handle the imbalance of physical interest; the implications are fascinating.
I don't think dumping your other half for sex alone is a sensible move, odds are you'd find the next issue with your next girlfriend / spouse.
With all due respect, its not "absurd". Given the OP can do what he likes, but it is clear that if he chooses to prioritise sex in his life above his marriage, stability, career, hobbies, etc then he will end up with a life in which sex is the driver behind his important life decisions and how his life plays out. Thats something you might expect a juvenile to do, not a mature adult. That might work financially for him if he is very wealthy already but otherwise it does seem a route to financial insecurity. But if thats the OP's choice, then he will not be alone in making that choice.
Some men of course marry a woman they think might put up with cheating and then find out thats a quick way to the divorce courts. Others cheat and manage to keep it secret, but I would ask you what sort of women they are getting involved with and what health risks they are taking (some stds can be passed on through any form of oral contact including kissing eg genital herpes). Sleaziness is rarely a road worth travelling.
I think a mature adult can choose whatever he wants. If someone values sex in a relationship then that's perfectly fine.
You seem to be talking about sex just for the sake of having sex. Then I would agree with you. But sex can be more than that.
To me a relationship without sex would not work as it implies something about the relationship that I can't agree with. Some people are fine with a relationship where you look like siblings. I would not be.
Changing the perspective on this - she gets all the sex that SHE wants. Seems rather selfish doesn't it?
Get a therapist.
I don't think forcing women to have sex when they don't want to please their husband is a great option. Women have much less testosterone than men, generally they don't want as much sex. Some do but unless you find one of those, if you let your sex drive rule your life it generally means a life of casual sex. But forced sex just to keep a husband is awful. I honestly don't understand why women are still marrying men when there are attitudes like this around. Given that these men generally marry women who don't earn their own money or enough to support themselves, I suppose thats what makes them feel entitled to sex. There are all sorts of things that can happen during a marriage, including ill health and disability. But overall - you chose her, for a whole list of reasons you haven't put on here and you were aware of the sex issue before you got married. I think its unreasonable to expect your wife to change. Are you asking for permission to cheat? I don't think many women would put up with that. Maybe you need to grow up and appreciate your life as it is before you end up paying maintenance and sleeping in a condo using Tinder.
He isn’t really married.. they don’t have kids, it’s just an over glorified relationship. He might as well be single in a condo. No relationship is worth putting up with this unless the kids are involved
Men in a sexless marriage, what do you do? My wife and I have been together for 5 years, and married for 2. We had sex sparingly when we dated, but I always thought marriage would light the spark. It’s been a year and a half since we had sex. She has no desire, doesn’t care, and has a low sex drive. I feel lost, alone, and confidence is at an all time low. What do I do
could never be me, any women i have ever been with, dating or just attracted to eachother, we be havin sex constantly. If your wife does not want you like that, either give her an ultimatum or leave.
I thought your post was good up until this point. OP has made a notable mistake in assuming the sex would pick up post-marriage, but it's not just that it's declined, it's that it's stopped altogether.
Suggesting that he 'grow up and appreciate your life' when a basic need isn't being fulfilled is patently absurd.
OP. You don't have children and there's a fundamental incompatibility here. You need to talk to your wife and see if you can get things going again. Failing that, I'm not 100% sure what to suggest. Leaving the marriage is no small undertaking. You really need to figure out if your marriage is otherwise good, and - if not - whether that's a result of the lack of sex.
It's WILD how common this occurrence is amongst my friends who have been in relationships 5+ years. Especially post-marriage, many women just seem to completely lose interest in having sex, which shines a completely different light on the morality of men cheating (physically) as a pragmatic way to handle the imbalance of physical interest; the implications are fascinating.
I don't think dumping your other half for sex alone is a sensible move, odds are you'd find the next issue with your next girlfriend / spouse.
With all due respect, its not "absurd". Given the OP can do what he likes, but it is clear that if he chooses to prioritise sex in his life above his marriage, stability, career, hobbies, etc then he will end up with a life in which sex is the driver behind his important life decisions and how his life plays out. Thats something you might expect a juvenile to do, not a mature adult. That might work financially for him if he is very wealthy already but otherwise it does seem a route to financial insecurity. But if thats the OP's choice, then he will not be alone in making that choice.
Some men of course marry a woman they think might put up with cheating and then find out thats a quick way to the divorce courts. Others cheat and manage to keep it secret, but I would ask you what sort of women they are getting involved with and what health risks they are taking (some stds can be passed on through any form of oral contact including kissing eg genital herpes). Sleaziness is rarely a road worth travelling.
It's not just the sex per se, but for most men sex is also intimacy. Is it possible to have a strong marriage without physical intimacy? That's not a marriage I would want to be in for the rest of my life, but everyone is different, of course. Without sex what is the bond between marriage partners based on - common interests? Obviously, when there are children they usually become the focus of the marriage.
This is why massage parlors exist. Having an an affair with one other woman can be messy and ugly, even a one night stand can have loose ends. Massage parlors are pretty much universally condoned as a quick, relatively cheap no strings attached and can offer the feeling of uniqueness on a regular basis. This is why the law pretty much turns a blind eye as cops, judges etc are doing the same thing. SO shouldn't be upset as there is no emotional connection.
This post is absolutely correct
and tell your wife that this is where you’re going and what you’re going to do.
msn up and get it all out in the open and see what her reaction is. Her reaction will tell you all you need to know.
I thought your post was good up until this point. OP has made a notable mistake in assuming the sex would pick up post-marriage, but it's not just that it's declined, it's that it's stopped altogether.
Suggesting that he 'grow up and appreciate your life' when a basic need isn't being fulfilled is patently absurd.
OP. You don't have children and there's a fundamental incompatibility here. You need to talk to your wife and see if you can get things going again. Failing that, I'm not 100% sure what to suggest. Leaving the marriage is no small undertaking. You really need to figure out if your marriage is otherwise good, and - if not - whether that's a result of the lack of sex.
It's WILD how common this occurrence is amongst my friends who have been in relationships 5+ years. Especially post-marriage, many women just seem to completely lose interest in having sex, which shines a completely different light on the morality of men cheating (physically) as a pragmatic way to handle the imbalance of physical interest; the implications are fascinating.
I don't think dumping your other half for sex alone is a sensible move, odds are you'd find the next issue with your next girlfriend / spouse.
With all due respect, its not "absurd". Given the OP can do what he likes, but it is clear that if he chooses to prioritise sex in his life above his marriage, stability, career, hobbies, etc then he will end up with a life in which sex is the driver behind his important life decisions and how his life plays out. Thats something you might expect a juvenile to do, not a mature adult. That might work financially for him if he is very wealthy already but otherwise it does seem a route to financial insecurity. But if thats the OP's choice, then he will not be alone in making that choice.
Some men of course marry a woman they think might put up with cheating and then find out thats a quick way to the divorce courts. Others cheat and manage to keep it secret, but I would ask you what sort of women they are getting involved with and what health risks they are taking (some stds can be passed on through any form of oral contact including kissing eg genital herpes). Sleaziness is rarely a road worth travelling.
Of course it's absurd. You're asking a sexual being to forego sex - that's completely unreasonable. Not having sex is a fundamental deal breaker for many people, no matter how great everything else is. It's at the base of Maslow's hierarchy of needs for a reason.
There's nothing 'mature' or 'adult' about a sexless marriage.
This post was edited 1 minute after it was posted.