OP you won't do well with marriage. The inevitable post nup shutoff will be excruciating for you. Modern day American women are miserably undesirable for marriage and they've yet to realize this as a whole but that's in part because men have a problem where they struggle to think logically because love has their mind all twisted in a proverbial knot. Asian, some South American and some eruropean women are better because they carry more traditional values which work more adequately in marriage.
One more thing (*said in grumpy old man voice)! Since you're still still pretty early on in your relationship, it's very likely that you have different expectations for different occasions, which naturally leads to getting pissed at each other.
For example, my wife likes to "hike" – as in go to outdoor places that are highly popular on Instagram and take a bunch of photos... I do not enjoy that at all, I like to "hike" by going on long walks in the woods as a break from technology.
It took us a few "hikes" and getting annoyed at each other a few times, but now we have a shared vocabulary: going to a place for photos, or walking in the woods, so we each know what to expect before we go somewhere. Doing anything when you're not on the same page is an easy way to start conflict. It's worth putting in the effort to get on the same page and understand why these things aren't enjoyable for each other... and it's important to remember that you're each individuals with your own history and perspective, so it's to be expected that you're carrying different assumptions into any given scenario.
That said, hopefully you're starting out with a decent overlap of shared interest and passion, otherwise you're both going to have to put in a lot of hard work to get to a sustainable place... 30% friction does seem high... unless suddenly you went from both being free and single to spending a huge percentage of time together, then see my earlier post about needing space.
At this point I'm just writing a bunch of junk that may or may not be relevant to your situation at all.
It's unknown where that is going to go. Investigate these 2 simple things if you want to find out if she is a great girl:
Investigate her relationship with her family. If she often complains about them, or they complain about her, leave immediately. If you stay with her, you will become her family and you are not the exception to her family issues. If you discover that she pushes hard to unite her family in hard times, investigate further. Conversations about a sibling or parent going through a hard time and how she plans to brighten their day or care for them would be instant marriage... potential.
Investigate her relationships with other women. Does she have a good variety of friends, both old friends and new friends? Is she able to navigate through life and find community and goes through sacrifice to maintain her relationships? Great sign if she does.
Now do the same with yourself. If you can't figure out these couple things, you're not marriage material either.
It's unknown where that is going to go. Investigate these 2 simple things if you want to find out if she is a great girl:
Investigate her relationship with her family. If she often complains about them, or they complain about her, leave immediately. If you stay with her, you will become her family and you are not the exception to her family issues. If you discover that she pushes hard to unite her family in hard times, investigate further. Conversations about a sibling or parent going through a hard time and how she plans to brighten their day or care for them would be instant marriage... potential.
Investigate her relationships with other women. Does she have a good variety of friends, both old friends and new friends? Is she able to navigate through life and find community and goes through sacrifice to maintain her relationships? Great sign if she does.
Now do the same with yourself. If you can't figure out these couple things, you're not marriage material either.
Disagree completely on these. I know plenty of girls with terrible relationships with their family. Nothing wrong with them... family is just screwed up.
Also plenty of normal girls have zero interest in going out and bsing with other females...plenty like to focus on their own hobbies or maybe even their career. Hardly a red flag....many guys would consider this a positive thing.
It's unknown where that is going to go. Investigate these 2 simple things if you want to find out if she is a great girl:
Investigate her relationship with her family. If she often complains about them, or they complain about her, leave immediately. If you stay with her, you will become her family and you are not the exception to her family issues. If you discover that she pushes hard to unite her family in hard times, investigate further. Conversations about a sibling or parent going through a hard time and how she plans to brighten their day or care for them would be instant marriage... potential.
Investigate her relationships with other women. Does she have a good variety of friends, both old friends and new friends? Is she able to navigate through life and find community and goes through sacrifice to maintain her relationships? Great sign if she does.
Now do the same with yourself. If you can't figure out these couple things, you're not marriage material either.
Disagree completely on these. I know plenty of girls with terrible relationships with their family. Nothing wrong with them... family is just screwed up.
Also plenty of normal girls have zero interest in going out and bsing with other females...plenty like to focus on their own hobbies or maybe even their career. Hardly a red flag....many guys would consider this a positive thing.
It doesn't matter how much conflict you have during your hike, or your meal - as long as the sex is good afterwards.
Agreed. She’s your girlfriend, not your buddy. Most of the time should be fun, and it’s ok if it isn’t fun sometimes. Your interests and personalities don’t have to align perfectly. A long term romantic relationship lasts if sexual chemistry exists and you are aligned on your bigger values.
I've been married a couple years and we were dating a few more years before that. We're roughly 30 years old. Very rarely is it 'unenjoyable'. If I'd rather do something else from what she is doing I'll just go to a different room, for example I want to watch a football game and she's watching a reality tv show. You need to be able to do things on your own as well. But if you're out doing something together that's something to be fun and you don't like it, no that doesn't happen often. I can't even really think of a time that that has happened. If it is that frequent for you, you're probably with the wrong person and your values/interests/personalities do not align very much at all.
I would say the number for a good relationship is less than 10% if you are trying to quantify it. This number is based on that study of compliments from several years ago (which you need 10 compliments for every mean thing you say to your partner to have a long-term relationship work). I will abstain from giving advice other than to note that if you have kids, you get more stress, so the ratio will go up.
A good intimate/romantic relationship is maintained through a complex equation of respect, communication, physical attraction, common interests and, above all, patience and honesty.
A "girlfriend" is not meant to be your "entertainer." That being said, if you don't like being around her more than half of the time that you are together, it's likely not going to work out.