I bet a lot of us have experienced something similar.
Small steps.
Make your bed when you get up in the morning.
Run three times one this week, two miles each run will do. Increase distance, frequency and pace as you feel, but start now and make it a routine again.
The eating will take care of itself if you’re running even semi regularly.
^THIS
Excellent advice - just do little things like clothes and dishes to get started.
Cook for yourself a bit. Look at it as self-care. Do some stretching and pushups, dips, and pull-ups too. You can do one of those circuits where you got right from the pull-up bar to a burpee etc.
Practice good sleep hygiene. Don’t fall asleep on the couch watching tv. Make sure your sleeping area is comfortable and clean. Don’t eat there.
Go shopping if you can and get cool stuff to make. You’re not a wuss, this is a part of adulting for some people and you’ll get through it fine.
Don't keep shiit food or alcohol in. Stock your fridge and cupboard with healthy options (but things you like). That will make it easier if stuff like that is there.
I'd set smaller goals - like go running 3-4 times a week. It's enough for you to maintain some form of fitness. What do you mean by barely sleeping - are you staying up all night online?
Maybe start going out for walks at lunchtime if you can to get some natural light.
Also: yeah definitely clean up. If you hate cleaning just commit to doing one room a day. It will make a big difference when your surroundings are nice, it can change how you feel about yourself.
OP did mention he lives in a cold and dark place and doesn't go out. Very likely he is low on Vitamin D and low levels of that has been linked to depression.
OP, take some Vit. D pills. You can get them at any grocery store.
Buddy of mine after many months of feeling like crap and low energy and not being able to think straight, got his Vit.D tested and it was below 10. Normal levels should be well above 20.
One of the toughest parts of living alone for the first time is maintaining a healthy degree of social connection. If you suffer from loneliness, that easily turns into depression and once you are depressed you are less likely to take care of yourself or hold yourself accountable. Depression is very complicated and can hit for a number of reasons. The primary reasons I believe to be unresolved emotional trauma. Most are unaware of what trauma is and how can affect them. Check out this video:
Dr. Paul Conti is a Stanford & Harvard trained psychiatrist and expert in treating trauma, personality disorders, and psychiatric illnesses. He is also the a...
I could’ve written this exact post. Been struggling with this last couple years since graduation as well. If you still enjoy running start your own group. Market on FB/Instagram/strava etc. if you don’t enjoy running anymore find another hobby like cycling, lifting, climbing SOMETHING where you can set goals and get out the apartment. Do things, even if they don’t sound fun 99% of the time it’ll be better than sitting alone at home doing nothing moping around making your life worse
It’s not easy and I still struggle on and off with this but once you get in a groove life and your mental health improves fast. Once you get there, Live in the moment and remember how much better you feel than what you’re living now.
All in all easier said than down and good luck. Lots of other great replies in this thread
Lots of great advice here. OP: Only thing I would add that I haven’t seen mentioned is to consider getting a pet. Needing to take care of another living being might jumpstart you taking better care of yourself. A dog would be ideal because it would compel you to get out of the house to take it for walks. Plus you get instant companionship.
Start with small steps such as run/workout 5-6days a week. Then build to loftier goals such as setting a new PR. Challenge yourself and hold yourself accountable. No one's handing you amything--what you get out is what you put in. Almost everyone has lapses but the truly weak people never rebound and make a bad habit a lifestyle while the strong man the hell up and right the ship.
Be careful because this is how the slide starts. If you do not change your ways, then it is a short trip to drinking far too many $8 pints of IPA, not getting Tinder matches, watching financial shows on cable, getting proximal hamstring tendinopathy, and sitting alone on weekends typing out stiff like, "How's Everyone Doing Tonight?" and "This Billionaire Says Houses will be Worthless in 2024".
Even though the quasi-legendary LRC poster Coebra never achieved his Olympic dreams, he obtained near greatness by having aspirations bigger than his talent.
You must do the same to get out of this early life malaise. Dream bigger than yourself. The job you probably have is likely dull and boring, but you can use this to fuel the energy you need to restart your running dreams. Sign up for a spring race and start training on “Pure Hate” and free yourself from the weight of trying to live in this faltering America where no one wants to put their nose to the grindstone and churn out 100-plus mile weeks for the glory of God and the renunciation of Satan.
Ran D1 and graduated just last spring, wasn’t all that fast but did alright. Stayed fit through the summer, moved into my new place in September and after a month or so of making at least a decent effort have totally lost the plot. Barely sleeping, running once every 10 days (if that), eating like s*** and hating myself with a burning passion.
Work is good, but I’ve unsurprisingly already added a disturbing amount of weight - feel terrible, can’t bear to see myself in the mirror, will start sweating for no reason sometimes. I’m not too far gone to pull myself out of this spiral, but know I have to act soon before this lifestyle becomes entrenched. Every night in bed I give myself a stern talking to and swear up and down things will change, but fall right back into the same routine the next day. I’m 100% certain I’ll live it regret it if I don’t turn things around promptly, but seem to have totally lost my follow-through/ self-discipline.
There are 0 runners in my area, and being in a really dark and cold place solo isn’t easy, but I did it plenty of times in the past - I need to find a way to regain my sense of self or at least scrounge up a morsel of dignity. I know the response is “man up and just DO IT you p****!”, and I tell myself that every day. That worked just fine in high school and college, but I’ve seemingly turned into a wuss overnight.
Please, really, does anybody have any advice? Running was the one aspect of my life I could point to as demonstrating a non-zero degree of competency, and I’m not ready to let it go yet!
The job has secretly stolen your energy and willpower. Welcome to Little Russia.
Somehow, I really think I did. Genuinely - thank you all. Something I probably should have mentioned is that I'm spending the year in a former Eastern Bloc country, which has been something of a big adjustment. Really happy I'm here, but threw me off a bit.
That said, I think deep down I knew a lot of this stuff, but needed a push of some sort to get me going. What does it say that a forum was my venue of choice? Idk, no matter. I've taken small steps - I'm a part of a gym now, and have been a couple times. I've always found lifting sort of distasteful in a very unexamined way, but I certainly see the appeal of rapid quantifiable progression and will give it a shot. I've gotten in a few runs (short, but at a faster pace that I'd expected - will probably have to work on moderating that for the time being so I can keep it sustainable/ build mileage).
Socialization has definitely been less than ideal, but I'm doing what I can (combination of working on language + keeping in touch w/ friends back home). This nice anonymous space here makes me feel comfortable saying I did go ahead and set up an appointment to talk to someone - thank you for mentioning this. The sort of thing I felt much better doing when I could internally paint it as "someone else's idea", for better or for worse. Have managed to drag my feet on a big cleaning effort, but have tidied a little as well as knocked out a couple things in professional life I had left idling for no reason. My issues w/ diet largely emerge when I adopt a "I've been screwing up, no reason to pay heed to this either" approach, so for the time being that's taken care of. All that to say - got some positive momentum, and think I have a puncher's chance at keeping it going! Have had false starts before, but this time is totally, 100%, for sure different... right?
I know full well this isn't really the kind of post this site is built to cultivate, but y'know, I have no shame screaming into the void. Beats Strava. Will try and leave personal stuff behind, but intend to update periodically w/ training updates.
Again, I appreciate you all. Don't want to be too corny, but I'm touched that Letsrun would pick me up when I'm down like this.
Hope everybody has been enjoying the holidays! Making good use of the time to (among other things) jumpstart my return to training. Hit 45 miles last week, felt uncomfortable but I expected nothing less.
Stop it - such a dismissive response to someone who could be dealing with mental illness.
The notion that going to therapy is the answer - without being given anymore information - is foolish. I am sure this guy has heard of therapy; everyone has heard of therapy. The question you should be asking is if he is motivated and ready for therapy. Not everyone is ready and forcing yourself to go when you are not ready will do nothing but make you miserable, or at the very least, waste your time and money.
I know I felt hurt when people I know would blurt out “see a therapist” at me. It’s like being fat and having someone tell you “man up and eat less calories.” Of course you are most likely right, but it is still kinda rude. Most fat people know they need to eat less, and most mentally ill people know they need to talk to someone. As an adult, you should have some empathy and realize these things are not always that easy in practice. A better low effort post would have been “I am sorry you are dealing with this, and I hope you are able to work through it.”
If you live in America, this isn’t realistically an option.
For $200, you can have a primary care doctor give you a referral. Then you can call that number and have them tell you theirs no availability without an assessment/diagnoses.
Obviously, they can’t schedule that so you call around for like two weeks and mostly wait on hold, if you ever get through they either tell you they don’t offer assessments or have no availability. Eventually, if you’re lucky you get an appointment about 3-6 months out. They’ll set up about 4 appointments over a month or two and at the end give you an evaluation for about $1,000.
Great, now what? I don’t know? Apparently, I’m supposed to know. I think you’re supposed to find a therapist who’s specialty lines up with your diagnoses, but the diagnoses is vague and doesn’t really line up with any specialty, but if you ask your an idiot because you should know what you’re supposed to do so what was the f’ing point of paying $1k for the stupid assessment? I don’t know either, but it’s been two years to get to this point and accomplished nothing… Oh yeah, and just about everyone along the way is going to be incredibly condescending and treat you like a druggy who’s pill shopping even if you’ve literally never been prescribed anything and say you’d prefer minimal or no drugs.
But also, this pointless nightmare of a process makes you anxious? Well you should probably take blood pressure medication for a couple hundred dollars a month. You might not need it, but if they can prescribe it to 100 patients the doctor get a trip to Hawaii?
If you live in America, this isn’t realistically an option.
For $200, you can have a primary care doctor give you a referral. Then you can call that number and have them tell you theirs no availability without an assessment/diagnoses.
Obviously, they can’t schedule that so you call around for like two weeks and mostly wait on hold, if you ever get through they either tell you they don’t offer assessments or have no availability. Eventually, if you’re lucky you get an appointment about 3-6 months out. They’ll set up about 4 appointments over a month or two and at the end give you an evaluation for about $1,000.
Great, now what? I don’t know? Apparently, I’m supposed to know. I think you’re supposed to find a therapist who’s specialty lines up with your diagnoses, but the diagnoses is vague and doesn’t really line up with any specialty, but if you ask your an idiot because you should know what you’re supposed to do so what was the f’ing point of paying $1k for the stupid assessment? I don’t know either, but it’s been two years to get to this point and accomplished nothing… Oh yeah, and just about everyone along the way is going to be incredibly condescending and treat you like a druggy who’s pill shopping even if you’ve literally never been prescribed anything and say you’d prefer minimal or no drugs.
But also, this pointless nightmare of a process makes you anxious? Well you should probably take blood pressure medication for a couple hundred dollars a month. You might not need it, but if they can prescribe it to 100 patients the doctor get a trip to Hawaii?
Yes! All of this too. People need to start opening their eyes to the realities behind mental healthcare in this country. We victim blame people with mental illness so much - especially men.
I’m not one of those incels who is constantly winging about how men have it hard in this country because their video game added a new female character lol, but one area where I do think men draw the short end of the stick is in how dismissive people are of depression in men.
I have spoken with several women about the high depression rates in men - especially white men - and the conversations inevitably spirals into some nonsense about how it’s their fault because they refuse to “open up” or “express themselves”. I find that many men realize they have a problem and want to fix it. It is just so much harder than “see a therapist”.
The medicine area of mental health can be even more asinine. The horrifying side effects of these drugs are so often downplayed. People make it seem like it is a no brainer to medicate, when in reality, it should be a delicate cost/benefit analysis weighing the questionable efficacy with the chance of real damage from side effects.