Is there anything I can do to help my 37 year old brother?

I had a brother-in-law that was a heavy, heavy weed user and drinker. Nice except when drunk and as time went on, thank God, this occurred less and less. He hated work. Ended up living in my guest house full time for 15 years Made him smoke outside-no hotboxing. Would mostly work a week or two at a time (he held one job for a much longer time) and had perhaps 100 different jobs in his life. A master at using unemployment, social programs, and the like. I remember he even claimed some BP oil spill money and got it. How I don't know. I would tease him by saying the government was tracking down the BP scammers.

I know I enabled him with free rent, food, vacations, front row NHL games. etc, but for the most part, he was like a Cheech and Chong character that was fun to have around. He could really cook (he had a nice kitchen in the guest house) and used these skills (and his looks) to attract women. When he made dinner for the kindergarten teacher and delivered it to school my wife went nuts.

I gave him my new Volvo to drive and it was interesting to see the women who would come by just because of his car and waterfront address. Many would leave when they found out the score but some really liked him. Needless to say, I liked the women who figured him out and still came around-anti-golddiggers, so to speak.

And of course, a guy like this is always the kids' favorite uncle.

When I read stories like the above, I feel a lot better about my situation. My mother and brother were miffed at me for enabling the guy, but if you are going to get hooked, weed is a lot better than meth. It was enjoyable.

Burt T Macklin wrote:

Sign In/Register wrote:

Is there anything I can do at this point to try to help him lead a better life, or am I better off cutting all ties?

Convince your father to leave the money in a trust for your brother. If a trustee is not signing off on that money it will be gone in a year.

^^ This was my 1st thought with you (or someone else who is sober and right of mind) as trustee. Make sure $ is distributed straight into bill payments and grocery cards that don't allow the purchase of alcohol and nicotine. He will try and trade the cards for drugs or whatever else but that will require work on his part.

This is a tough situation for all involved, but all you can do is continue to provide a + influence in his life and have no regrets when all is said and done. I have a similar situation with a 48 y/o relative and I will always be here for her, no matter what she does to let me and her family down. Allocating blame does no one any good here. Continue to be kind, patient and tolerant.

I'm not going to read all of the thread so maybe someone has said this but if your brother is blind he should qualify for SSDI which will give him an income beyond what your dad leaves him.

I’ll come hangout with you all the time if you provide me with free rent, food, vacations and a Volvo. Can I switch the front row tickets to the NHL to either an NFL game or Pre Classic? They don’t even need to be front row although that would be great. NHL stinks. Might be a deal breaking if I have to go to an NHL game

HRE wrote:

I'm not going to read all of the thread so maybe someone has said this but if your brother is blind he should qualify for SSDI which will give him an income beyond what your dad leaves him.

I really hope someone that is blind due to meth use does not qualify for SSDI

tlm1959 wrote:

I had a brother-in-law that was a heavy, heavy weed user and drinker.

So, what happened to the guy?

Never mind. Reread the original post. Blindness is not due to meth use 😂😂

briswiss wrote:

HRE wrote:

I'm not going to read all of the thread so maybe someone has said this but if your brother is blind he should qualify for SSDI which will give him an income beyond what your dad leaves him.

I really hope someone that is blind due to meth use does not qualify for SSDI

Yeah, but what someone hopes is not the determinant.

Sounds like some high mileage training would do the trick. Have him get back to his peak mileage quickly then add 3% per week until he reaches 100 mpw. then have him hold it there. Everything else will naturally fall into place. Good luck!

Has he been diagnosed with a personality disorder? Psychosis often goes along with one of the psychopathic disorders. The fact that he has an extensive criminal record involving victims, a parasitic lifestyle, and appears to be manipulative means he is likely to check enough boxes for a positive diagnosis. Does he also exhibit indiscriminate choices of whom he sleeps with and shallow/flat effect half hearted attempts at relationships?

Psychopathy is untreatable. You are wasting your time trying to fix this. The best you can hope is that he will want to avoid incarceration. It is quite likely that because he knows he is going to inherit quite a lot of money, he is avoiding incarceration so he can enjoy spending it.

I'm always suspicious of people who avoid holding down a paid job as an employee (unless they run a successful business). It so often indicates a pd. Your brother hasn't been legally blind all his life.

Its though increasingly that a lot of pds have a genetic component, in that the amygdala and frontal cortex cannot communicate well.

Because he is highly manipulative, he will simply use anyone who tries to help them for his own purposes and then discard them when they are no longer of any use. The best advice is to have the most minimal contact possible that will appease your conscience without the risk of being drawn into his life - e.g. birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas cards, the occasional phone call. Don't become his replacement enabler once your father passes.

OP. I feel for you, your brother and your situation. One thing I do have a major quibble with.

Sign In/Register wrote:

This happened because my father is quite simply the biggest enabler of all time.

Really? Do we know that? Let's say your father cut him off cold turkey. Do you think he'd be working and a positive member or society? It's possible but it's also possible he'd be dead or simply a homeless addict.

A close family friend died a few years back of heroin in his early 40s. They parents tried everything. Cut him off, only sent him tinny bits of money, etc. The guy even graduated college in his late 30s. He even told me, "If I die, it's my fault. I feel bad my parents have tried so hard."

OP, do you have kids? I imagine the answer is no.

I only have a 4 year old and I think a situation as described is very hard on your dad (by the way, where is mom in this whole thing?). In the past, I've helped out people and now look back and think, I enabled them a bit but it's hard to cut off people you love. I can't imagine what it's like to cut off a child you raised.

I'm not trying to say you are off based on this. I'm just saying I 'm not so sure we know your dad is too blame for all of this. I just want you to be open to the ide that it's quite possible if your dad was strict as hell, your bro would have similar problems and the only difference is your dad would have great guilt.

Has anyone on here ever cut off a struggling family member or friend 100%? I've never been that tough. Do they end up homeless? Or do they suddenly start working?

Agree with the trust idea very much. Great option.

joed|rt wrote:

...It's stories like this that make me shake my head any time someone on the boards makes a post defending or promoting recreational drug use at any level...

You think taking a puff of a joint is the same thing as a meth addiction?

How do you feel about alcohol? Is that any better?

P.C.P. Bach wrote:

joed|rt wrote:

...It's stories like this that make me shake my head any time someone on the boards makes a post defending or promoting recreational drug use at any level...

You think taking a puff of a joint is the same thing as a meth addiction?

How do you feel about alcohol? Is that any better?

Every drug addict I knew felt booze and a joint was no big deal as well.

Clearly the best play here is to get him to put you in his will and then help him OD. Old dogs don't learn new tricks.

Get his will changed so brother gets nothing. Tell pops brother will just spend it all.

If he says no then change it yourself and then push him down the stairs.

When I saw this thread I thought for a second it was a troll thread

mocking me because I am 37.

I have a younger sister and have communicated with her once in the last 5 years.

At a family Christmas event about 5 years ago I vented about something I had personally experienced.

I made a big deal about it and was quite upset. My sister didn't take a liking to this fact and used this event as a reason to stop communicating with me.

I did hear from her about 6 months ago, she texted me because she saw one of my YouTube videos and thought I was suicidal.

I found this to be insulting because I wasn't suicidal and I felt 'ok, the only time you care to talk to me is because you think I'm going to kill myself'

My sister is employed, married, has a kid (I'm an uncle I guess) and a 'normal life' by societal standards.

She ran a 1/2 marathon a few years ago but foolishly did not build up to it. She ended up fracturing her hip.

If she had told me about her plans to run this I could have offered some perspectives.

Anyways I just don't communicate with her. I don't feel like reaching out. I expect to improve my standing in society over the next year. It has been a very difficult last 5-10 years of my life.

I am honestly not that interested in my sisters life anyways.

If someone in my family made this thread about me it might go like this:

I have a 37 year old brother/nephew/cousin who is a strain on the family.

He's unemployed and lives on disability. He hasn't worked in almost 4 years.

He spends his time on Letsrun and makes weird YouTube videos.

He talked about a tv script but we all think he's a nut.

We don't ever call him, he's got loose screws and we prefer to keep our distance.

And my perspective:

I am a 37 year old man with a dream. I intend to become a multi millionaire.

I have a product that is marketable and one that I believe in sincerely.

I know some of my family looks down on me, and right now it's easy.

When I'm standing on the piles of cash I've created I'll be able to look down on them.. If I can still see them at all.

Lots of the advice here sounds idiotic. Thinking every man responsible for 100% of destiny is the litmus test for insufficiently low IQ.

Anyway, he's blind? How is he not in a program for this?