When does parenting get easier?

My 1st grader is a dream, easier than my wife. My special needs 4th grader makes sure that I am chronically exhausted and have no capacity for socializing or much of anything else.

If you want things to be easy, make it crystal clear how much you love your kid and treat them respectfully...don't be a dictator, forget about unenlightened religion. Once they are old enough to realize they are loved and respected, they will care about you and behave with that in mind.

Totally hear where you're coming from. Couple reflections as a young dad and both wife & I working full time:

- Routine, routine, routine. It's mind numbing and feels like you're running in place, but you're not. Kids need predictability and trying to wing-it every day ultimately creates more stress on everybody.

- You're not going to the Olympics. Some people can get up at 5 AM and crank out the miles but the vast majority can't and that's okay. Get your runs in when you can and be happy that you're out there. I've found that I enjoy trail running for 90 minutes a couple times a month more than trying to squeeze in a bunch of 30 minute runs at lunch or before daycare pickup.

- Enjoy the things you enjoy. You're probably not getting a ton of alone time at this point so when you do make sure you're really unplugging and recharging. Otherwise you'll end up walking around bitter all day about not having enough time for yourself, pity party, etc.

- Raising a kid the right way is infinitely harder than you probably realized. Previous posters have hit on this one, but as much as you can invest in the moments you have (no phone, no returning work e-mails, social media, etc.) and it will pay off big time when you need them to start listening to you and following rules at school. Have friends who let the TV raise their infants and the kids are having major behavior issues in Preschool/Kindergarten.

Anyway, if you're posting here about this you're probably doing way better than you're giving yourself credit for. Keep on keepin' on.

I'm in a similar situation. I have a 2.5 year old boy and a 10 month old girl. Once my hit 2 years of age, he seem to be able to entertain himself and play more independently. I think this was a big transition for my/my wife's quality of life. Just having the ability to set him up to play and keeping an eye on him opened things up for us.

Congrats on the young one ... it only gets better.

pumpiron wrote:

To parents: what age were your kids when you felt like parenting was less hands-on all the time?

I have a 10-month old and it feels like we are barely keeping our heads above water.

Does it get easier?

Kind of. It actually gets harder in some ways, but you get used to a lot more things so those things become easier.

When our kid was born, going to the grocery store was a major expedition. A year later it still was, but we were so much better at it that we didn't notice.

lecoqsportif wrote:

Never easier. Your life will never get back to normal. You’ve been dealt a life sentence and it is up to you to make the best of it.

They were not "dealt" anything. They made a decision to have a child.

To the OP, there will come a time where you will look at your screen saver and see a pic of your kid at this age and melt a little and think about how wonderful it was at this age. Then a photo from a few years later will pop up and you will think the same thing. Barring a really terrible thing (serious illness/injury for instance), every time has its moments. Even what seems like the worst moment (I remember a particularly awful BM) it will become a joke in the family.

Parenting never gets easier, but it gets different with each stage of life you and your kid(s) go through. It'll make you a better person if you let it. My senior in high school daughter is 17. It feels like she was 10 months old---last week. I heard that same statement from older parents when she was 10 months old and I never understood what they meant. Some people say, "enjoy the ride." I say, don't get on the roller coaster with your kid(s). Be there when the get on and when they get off, but try not to ride the drama-filled, emotional roller coaster with them. Be the stabilizing force in the life of the young person.

I'm sure others have said the same, but it never gets easier. You just trade one thing for another as they get older.

But it's worth it. All of it.

10 months is especially tough because all sorts of baby issues seem to coalesce into a storm. Diapers, sleep regression, tossing everything on their plate on to the floor because it is fun, beginning transition to solid food and weaning, getting more mobile and more able to get in big trouble (my kid was able to climb onto the dinning room table at 10 months), teething, and so on. You just need to keep your cool and just do whatever you can to survive it. Don't be fooled by other parents who seem to have it down and are doing sign language with their babies and have them eating exotic purees. They are going through the same hell and just cover it up better.

The good news is that it is totally worth it as all the big miracles are right around the corner. Talking, walking, eating mac and cheese for the next 12 years, sleeping consistently, potty trained and a whole host of magical firsts are on the way. And there will be plenty of challenges. Every kid goes through stuff at different ages. My son was a joy at 2, but had a big case of the f-ing fours and was a complete a-hole at that age. At 10, he does great in school and is generally easy but will get into near fist fights with his mom over minecraft screen time and fakes injuries to try to get more screen time. Most important thing to understand is that it is all just a phase and it always passes. You just have to ride it out and keep everything on an even keel.

pumpiron wrote:

To parents: what age were your kids when you felt like parenting was less hands-on all the time?

I have a 10-month old and it feels like we are barely keeping our heads above water.

Does it get easier?

Yes, it gets easier. At 10 months, they've got you running, non-stop.

Age 2-3:

It gets better because they're out of diapers. That's also about the same age they stop doing some of the radically dangerous stuff 10-month-olds like to do (eat batteries, stick forks in electrical outlets, fall down stairs, etc) which helps. Changing diapers constantly beats you down and when that's gone, life is better. You physical workload drops about 50% here, because they don't need diaper changes and don't need to be manually spoon-feeding them non-stop.

Age 5-6:

When they're in kindergarten it gets much easier, because they're in school, plus they can dress themselves. This is an age where you can say, "Get your coat on and get in the car." And they'll do it. It's not like wresting an alligator to get them dressed and out the door, which it is sometimes, with a 10 month old. At this age they're still super fun and like you. There's still work to do at this age, but the time demand is only 25% of what it was when they were in diapers.

Age 11-13:

It gets much easier here, because they want to do things with their friends instead of their parents and hide in their rooms constantly. It's a little sad that it's that way, but a lot less demanding on your time. You still have to drive them around constantly, though, which takes time. There's still work to do at this age, but the time demand is 10% of what it was when they were in diapers.

Age 15-16: They're driving and doing their own thing. You just have to make sure they're doing good in school and not getting in with the wrong crowd, with behavioral problems. There's still work to do at this age, but the time demand is 2% of what it was when they were in diapers.

TLDR: It gets a little bit easier bit every day, until they're school age, when it's much better.

Enjoy every second, it will be over before you know it.

It never ends

Being the father of a 3.5yr old and then a 6yr old with special needs I’ll say that anybody without a special needs kid shouldn’t complain. Lol

You don’t know how easy you have it.

My daughter is sweet and we love her to death but it hasn’t gotten any easier yet and there’s possibly never going to be an end.

Doctors visits, therapy session and going broke. That been our life for about 4.5yrs.

So quit being a pu$$y and count your blessings!!

Not to bring you down, but we had kids four years apart, so had about ten years that were essentially lost.

Advantage: You have young kids, which is awesome. You'll never have that chance again.

Disadvantage: You have to put your life on hold until they're basically out of elementary school.

pumpiron wrote:

To parents: what age were your kids when you felt like parenting was less hands-on all the time?

I have a 10-month old and it feels like we are barely keeping our heads above water.

Does it get easier?

It gets much easier around 3 years old (or whenever your child stops putting random things in his/her mouth that he/she might choke on).

The question is not "does parenting get easier?" The question is "why did I become a parent?"

pumpiron wrote: Does it get easier?

Not really? But then again, I'm not sure difficult is the best way to describe it. Trying, exhausting, rewarding, hilarious and in the end, pretty awesome probably better. The hardest part in terms of demanding your attention is the newborn through toddler years. Getting them out of diapers is a huge milestone, but there are always tough parts to parenting regardless of their age. Hang tough and as my daughter tells me sometimes,"You had me, deal with it."

NorseNorse wrote:

Parenting never gets easier, but it gets different with each stage of life you and your kid(s) go through. It'll make you a better person if you let it. My senior in high school daughter is 17. It feels like she was 10 months old---last week. I heard that same statement from older parents when she was 10 months old and I never understood what they meant. Some people say, "enjoy the ride." I say, don't get on the roller coaster with your kid(s). Be there when the get on and when they get off, but try not to ride the drama-filled, emotional roller coaster with them. Be the stabilizing force in the life of the young person.

I forget who it was, but there's a comedian who did a bit about how dad needs to be like the couch. Everything changes in the room, pillows get added, new curtains, new tv, new tables. There will be new kids, mom will change her hair, but the couch is always the same. You need to be the couch.

You can do it, my mom raised 4 babies at once and did it well. It gets easier for sure, at least from what she says and in my view.